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Friday, April 1, 2016

Why Our Family Doesn't Celebrate Making Someone a Fool Today


On this day, two years ago, I was at one of the lowest points in my life. To say that I was struggling would be an understatement. We had learned that our third and final IVF attempt failed. That we had no embryos to transfer from any of our cycles. And that our doctor recommended moving on to other options. It was time to face the fact that my body would likely never produce an egg with good enough quality to become a child. 

My grandmother, who was a second mother to me, had just passed away from cancer. That morning, tears soaked my pillow before I even opened my eyes and my heart ached from all of the loss in my life. I was in mourning. 

But then the most unexpected thing happened. Later that day, I found myself standing in my kitchen reading a message that would change my life forever. By the grace of God, a woman (who has the biggest heart I've ever known) found her way to this blog. After reading our struggles, she offered to gift us her eggs so that we could finally become parents. It will always be the most generous gift I've ever received. 

Our egg donor believes "it's in the giving that we receive". 
She woke up that day and saw an opportunity to change someone's life and make dreams come true and she didn't hesitate to offer to help. There were a million reasons for her to read our story and say "that's so sad for them" and go back to her own life. 

Her husband was deployed in Afghanistan at the time. She was busy parenting to her own four children. IVF is hard on your body. It requires a lot of time. For all of these reasons and so many more, she could have talked herself out of sending that message. But she didn't. Regardless of the inconvenience, stress, strain, pain or effort that the egg donation put on her body and her family, she said "I want to help". 

As our son grows up, I intend to use this day every year to teach him about giving. To be intentional about opening our eyes to opportunities to help others. To change lives. To help fulfill someone else's dreams. I can only hope, that over time, the impact of our efforts are as lasting as the impact she has had on us. 

It is because of her willingness to help that we have Mav. 
We are a family filled with love and joy. 
Our hearts are so very full.

April 1st is not April Fool's Day to us. We don't strive to play practical jokes and spread hoaxes…making people "fools". Our family celebrates something different. It's the day we celebrate the spirit of giving, empathy and helping others. Maybe through the sharing of this story…it inspires someone else to celebrate this day the same way. What a wonderful world it would be, if we could all be "helpers"… that give instead of take away. 

 

13 comments:

Cristy said...

These "looking back" moments always get to make and make me pause. Because the pain from that period is still very real, even if a bit dampened. And yet, these periods of transition and change always lead to roads that bring out the extrordinary.

April 1 is a day of remembrance for me too. It's become my day to mourn and also to reflect. Thinking of you today.

JoJo said...

This made my heart melt and almost brought me to tears. I will forever see this day as a giving day. My heart is also full knowing there's hope in humanity. Jessah seeing you enjoying motherhood and creating memories with your little man is absolutely heart warming.

Elena @ baby Ridley bump said...

Amazing!! Seriously just gave me so much confidence in our decision to move forward with DEIVF & skip out on our own eggs. Love you friend!!

Amanda said...

Love this! And what a PERFECT day to give and help and serve the infertility community. I wonder if she even knew that April 1st is often a day of so much frustration and heartache even when you aren't dealing with the type of terrible news you were at the time. I love how you've put a family tradition together out of this.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful. Thank you.

Caroline @ In Due Time said...

So sweet. So thankful for our story and that you haven't stopped sharing. xoxo

Nikki said...

What a beautiful and generous gift from such a loving woman! Xoxo

Lavonne said...

I love this! As I currently wait for a donor this blog gave me hope that the right one will come along <3

Amy said...

This is beautiful, Jessah. I hate April Fools Day, but this makes me like it a little bit more.

Unknown said...

Jessah, I have been following your blog for over 2 years now...I fell away from it for a period, but just recently re-discovered it. Thank you for sharing your journey!! I am over 3 years into my ttc journey, and your words and thoughts are so encouraging!
Our diagnoses are extremely similar- my husband had low morphology initially, which has since corrected itself naturally. I have endometriosis and diminished ovarian reserve (I am 30 years old with an AMH of 0.6). We tried IVF, but with maximum stimulation, I only produced 3 mature follicles, so we converted to IUI and did not try IVF again- that was back in December. Now, we are on the embryo adoption road.
I just wanted to tell you thank you for your sweet words! You have a beautiful family, and it is encouraging to see the sunshine on the other side of this infertility storm. Some day, I pray I will find that sunshine, too. :)

Antonella W said...

My story sounds a lot like yours but I am still on the sorrow side of it and pray that one day I make it over to the other side. We just had our last IVF cycle at CCRM in Colorado which was unsuccessful due to dimished ovarian reserve. I would love to talk to you about egg donation. I could use some hope! You can reach me at stalloney26@comcast.net

Antonella W said...

My story sounds a lot like yours but I am still on the sorrow side of it and pray that one day I make it over to the other side. We just had our last IVF cycle at CCRM in Colorado which was unsuccessful due to dimished ovarian reserve. I would love to talk to you about egg donation. I could use some hope! You can reach me at stalloney26@comcast.net

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say that I hope all is well with you. I love your blog and miss your posts, but I know how busy you must be. Take care and please post a short update when you can.

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