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Monday, October 27, 2014

my egg donor is her surrogate


sometimes you meet people and they change your life. you don’t know at the time that they will impact your life so dramatically, but they do. later, you look back at the situation and wonder if you’d be where you are if it hadn’t been for that fateful meeting. 

one of those serendipitous encounters was meeting fellow blogger suzanne in denver earlier this year. at the time, i just thought it would be fun to meet another infertility blogger and i knew that we’d have a lot in common. she and i were both traveling across country to seek fertility treatments at CCRM and we’d both had our share of heartbreak on the path to building our families. 

what i didn’t know was that suzanne would become a dear friend that i will have for the rest of my life. and what i could have never predicted was the path that our lives would take, in part, because of a conversation that took place at that first meeting in denver. 

suzanne and her husband T spoke candidly with A and i over lunch about their experience with egg donation at CCRM. we were very curious and asked a lot of questions. it wasn’t something we’d really thought very seriously about prior to that day. but that conversation planted a seed in us. despite our previous decision to end treatments if CCRM didn’t work out…we saw hope through suzanne and T’s story. perhaps egg donation could be the path to bring us our baby too. 

before we even got word from CCRM that all of our embryos (from two cycles) were abnormal, we’d already decided to move forward with egg donation. after so much disappointment and poor response, i knew in my heart that IVF probably wasn’t going to work with my own eggs. 

what if we’d never met with suzanne and T in denver? would we have decided to use an egg donor? maybe, eventually. or maybe not. but i certainly don’t think we would have powered forward so quickly into researching the egg donation process. nor would we have selected SDFC and been ready to accept the gift of K’s eggs when the opportunity presented itself. who knows how things could have been different? but i do think that everything came together perfectly to create this life growing inside of me. and certainly K and suzanne are a huge part of that story and the happy ending that i’m currently living by carrying our child. 

so imagine my anguish when suzanne told me that her doctor was recommending a gestational carrier for her remaining frozen embryos. i couldn't fathom going through everything she’s already endured and then being told…”yah, so now you can’t carry your child either”. pure and utter heartbreak. 

i couldn’t just stand by and watch it happen without feeling like i needed to do something. i remember telling suzanne, “i’m not giving up until i find you a surrogate so you don’t have to go through an agency”. it is so expensive to rent a uterus and agencies often stand to make almost $30,000 just for matching surrogates with intended parents and helping to guide the process. 

if i could just help in some small way, by eliminating the agency cost for suzanne so that she could move forward with her dream of becoming a mother, i wanted to do that. the woman that kept coming to my mind was K. she is the angel who helped us make our dreams come true and i wondered if she could be the one to help suzanne too. 

in several emails, K mentioned that she was done donating her eggs after her donation to us. but that she really has it on her heart to be a gestational carrier and help a family in that way. after the third time that K mentioned it, i decided to tell her about suzanne and put the two of them in contact.

almost exactly 5 months later, K signed the contract to be suzanne and T’s gestational carrier. it makes my heart swell that this is finally happening for my dear friend. it will be so incredible to watch our egg donor become pregnant with suzanne’s miracle baby. when suzanne and i both have our precious little ones, they will have such a special bond - knowing that the same amazing woman played a part in bringing them into this world.

what a beautiful shared story!

41 comments:

Amanda said...

Sobbing!!! Beautiful indeed! I'm just so thankful for you and K, from the very depths of my little heart, I'm just so thankful. The chance for Suzanne means more to me than anything! K has certainly become an angel in so many ways… to help you by gifting her eggs already made her an incredible woman, but then to go through all of these hoops with Suzanne… I'm just so thankful that she could (and would) help two beautiful, special women! It's a beautiful little unit you three ladies have created and I'm so thankful you could all be exactly what the other needed at exactly the right time!

Suzanne said...

There is nothing that makes me smile bigger right now in this moment than looking at that photo of all three of us side-by-side. It makes my heart melt. Love, love, love YOU!

Charity said...

What an amazing circle! K has a heart of gold.

A Few Good Eggs said...

This is just the most amazing story. I love how you all are connected and this just restores some of my faith in humanity. K is one special lady!

I can haz babyz? said...

K is a beautiful person inside and out!! I am so happy you have her in your life. What an amazing story to tell each of your children about how you all have become family from the unfortunate event of infertility in your lives!! :)
--Mindy

Holly said...

100% beautiful!

JoJo said...

What a beautiful story. You have such a great heart.

Mrs Green Grass said...

What an amazing story. :)

Lisamarie said...

This is the most wonderful story I've ever heard. You three ladies are aboslutely amazing. The best relationships made through blogs ever!!! Best of luck to all you girls. I'm so happy for you all.

shay said...

Wow! What an amazing link the 3 of you will have!

Laura @ Making Baby Provence said...

Absolutely amazing! This story is heartwarming. I love how it continues to grow.

Erika said...

Oh my gosh, this is SO awesome!!! What an amazing connection and relationship for the three of you!! Wow!!

J and A said...

This is just so amazing. LOVE this so much. There are some incredible people out there. And you are one of them.

waiting and wishing said...

What an amazing woman K is! Such huge gifts to each of your families!

Aubrey said...

YOU, my friend, are an angel on Earth. People like you... and K... Are what make this life a beautiful one. Love this so much!

Lara said...

That is a really beautiful story. It amazes me how generous and wonderful some women are to donate their eggs - or be a surrogate.

Caroline @ In Due Time said...

What a beautiful story indeed! Thank you Lord! I love this so much - for all 3 of you! What a special bond to have. I love how the community has rallied together and now two girls will be blessed!!!!!!! So awesome!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

WOW speachless.. K is an AMAZING woman! So happy for you three!

t kelko said...

Oh my goodness! I had no idea that you two shared such an amazing, incredible and special lady! She is truly an angel on this earth. Yay for you both! I follow both of you and am so amazed by how incredibly strong you both are. Blessings for bright futures for all families involved. xoxo

Mel said...

said it on Suzanne's blog and I'll say it again...goosebumps. Love how fate weaved your stories together and now you're sewn into the fabric of each other's lives :)

Susannah said...

Oh my goodness, this just brings tears to my eyes! What an incredible woman!

Darcie K said...

OMG, Jessah!!!!! THIS.IS.AMAZING!!!! What a big heart you have. What a big heart K has! I love when my fellow IF bloggers bring me to happy tears! You and Suzanne def both did that today! I'm so happy for both you and Suzanne.

Whitney @ Southern Hope said...

Tears. Thank you for sharing Jessah. This is just beautiful.

Alana Christine said...

What an amazing story! She really is an Angel!

Emily said...

You and Suzanne both have me just in absolute tears. Just clicking on and seeing that picture at the top of the page turns me into a big bag of mush. Love you both! So happy for your pregnancy Jessah and soon-to-be Suzanne's little baby on the way too. You are amazing for finding a way to help her and making it happen!

Katie @ The Campbell's said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Will have to follow their story as there aren't many of us using gestational carriers. Thanks for sharing this!!

Laura Rahel said...

So beautiful and inspiring <3 You are all wonderful ladies!

Northern Star said...

Oh wow!!!! What an amazing gift to so many families!

The Run Away Stork said...

Seriously this is the most amazing story I have ever heard. What a remarkable person K is and you too my friend for arranging all of this. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story that fills me with so much hope. You have one of the biggest hearts and I am so very happy for both you and Suzanne!!

The Run Away Stork said...

Seriously this is the most amazing story I have ever heard. What a remarkable person K is and you too my friend for arranging all of this. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story that fills me with so much hope. You have one of the biggest hearts and I am so very happy for both you and Suzanne!!

Always Maylee said...

If I didn't think so before, I do now... K is definitely an angel. What a generous heart she has! I'm so happy for you and Suzanne, what an amazing story.

xo, Yi-chia

Gypsy Mama said...

Oh I love this story! You are such an amazing person to help Suzanne find her GC and of course K is amazing as well! Now I kind of wish she had a blog because her story is missing from our group! :)

Aislinn said...

Oh Jessah, what an amazing story! I hate that both you and Suzanne have gone through so much heartbreak, but I'm so glad you both have happy endings <3

Melissa Long said...

WOW what an incredible story! Just amazing!!!

Lisa @ AmateurNester said...

WOW!! Such an amazing story! Can we nominate K for the Infertility Heroine of the Year Award? If that award doesn't exist, we should create it just for her. Incredible!

Kim Smith said...

This is a Lifetime movie for sure!!!!! Beautiful and unreal....but it is real! So happy for all of you! xxxx

ADSchill said...

My heart is just bursting at the kindness of K. And also for your dream becoming reality as your dear friend has a real shot at getting hers. I will keep them in my prayers and want you to know what an angel you are.

Darcie K said...

Love!!!!!!!

Kristin said...

This is soooooooooooo amazing!!

Janna Renee said...

Oh wow! K is a saint...and you are amazing for helping them! What a wonderful story.

Amber said...

Tears. Such an amazing story. Truly, the 3 of you will have an incredible connection and bond that was destined to be. God is good.

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