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Saturday, September 6, 2014

no more PIO

11 weeks | san francisco | my first maternity top

we're doing good. 
thank you to those who emailed and commented on IG...i didn't mean to worry you. we feel blessed to have so many cheerleaders rooting for us. baby sunshine and i are doing really well. i'm in my 12th week and just had my last PIO injection. yay! with 2cc's of progesterone per night for 12 weeks, my rear end didn't have a single spot that was lump-free and hubby was getting sick of hearing me blubber about it. now i just worry that my body is producing the estrogen and progesterone needed to support this pregnancy on its own. my doctor says that it is and i shouldn't be concerned. so i'm trusting that everything will be just fine. 

bye bye sharps containers. i can't believe i filled all of these up.

i never intended to take a blogging hiatus and go MIA for so long. i've just been so tired. after a two hour per day commute, a 8-10 hour work day, trying to eat healthy and walk 45 minutes per day…i've been out of commission by 8:30pm (right after my PIO shot). hopefully in my second trimester, i'll be able to catch up on all my blog reading and commenting.

when i did have a rare burst of energy to write, i struggled to find the words. the right things to say. i'm so happy for this pregnancy yet i am sad for all of my friends that are still in the trenches - praying nightly for their miracle babies. truth is, i know how to be infertile. it has been my life for almost 6 years. writing about my infertility was easy because i knew it would help others feel less alone. but now, my blog has the potential to cause pain. i know how tough it can be to read glowing pregnancy posts after you've just experienced a failed cycle. so i struggle to find the balance between supporting those who are still trying to build their families and sharing this crazy, wonderful time in my life.

this time is filled with happiness, worry, excitement and fear and i want to share all of that here. but i don't want to hurt anyone.


47 comments:

Infertile625 said...

Oh Jessah you look great! I'm thrilled for you and happy to hear everything is progressing smoothly!
I think the great thing about blogging is the ever changing shape it takes and the inspiration it can bring. Even if it's hard to read people still draw from others positive experiences and after such a long journey, such an honorable fight, such heart ache & jubilation, you are an inspiration to many. I find that people who aren't in a place to read, won't. Or they will wait until they feel like they can. This pregnancy of yours has been hard earned & lovingly fought for. Relish in the joy & I don't think anyone would find your happiness offensive. I'm beyond thrilled for you!!!

Charity said...

It's a tough line to walk. But I am praising God for your victory! I would like to hear all about how your pregnancy progresses pregnant or not.

Desirae said...

Don't worry about causing pain. Everyone here has been with you through your journey and are so happy you are finally pregnant! I have been struggling for almost two years and stories like yours give me hope! Xo

Makeover With Aspen said...

So happy everything is going so good for you now!

Makeover With Aspen

Ryanne said...

Honestly, I don't mind reading about your pregnancy! You understand what it's like to still be fighting while watching others succeed. I have no doubt that your posts will be gracious. But here's the thing. This is your story. Just like infertility was/is

Ryanne said...

So sorry! I hit publish too soon. Picking up where I left off...This is as much your story as infertility was/is. You SHOULD write about it. Don't feel like you can't. :)

Lindsey Gage said...

So happy for you and I know all too well the mix of emotions you are experiencing. Know this, your blog is an inspiration to others. Some readers may need to take a step away for a bit, but your story provides hope to those still in the trenches. We all need a little sunshine. :)

Brianna said...

So glad that all is going well with the pregnancy. Blogging hiatus or not, keep taking care of yourself and baby sunshine.

Cristy said...

I struggle with this too. As hard as infertility/loss were, it was incredibly easy to write about it all. Now I find I'm so cautious with what I write. I don't want to be a source of pain for others.

The thing is, if you are too cautious, you'll find yourself shying away when you need support. Pregnancy can be very scary, especially since we now know so much. So I really do encourage you to write, even when it feels dangerous to do so. You're going to need the support and this community is filled with so many who get it.

So glad to see you're doing well. Yay for no more PIO!!! And I look forward to more cute photos soon.

Jessica said...

So glad you and baby are well! I kept hoping for an update on you guys! I know you're trying hard to be sensitive, and it's so thoughtful of you to be aware of others struggling with infertility. But don't feel bad about finding your own joy. You deserve it, and deserve to enjoy it fully! No one would begrudge you that:)

Krystal Sullivan said...

Congrats on being done with PIO! You look terrific and I'm looking forward to more updates :)

Caroline said...

Praise Jesus for being finished with shots!!! SO excited for you Jessah! Glad things are going well so far! Keep getting some rest! We are here whether you post every day or never post again :)

Aramis said...

Lucky you! I'm not allowed to give up my thrice-daily progesterone suppositories until the end of my 12th week. I can't wait! Glad you're feeling good, and love your little bump!

Lisa said...

Thank you for trying to be sensitive to those of us who are still in the trenches. I'm so happy to hear that you don't have to do anymore PIO!! Yay! The maternity top is adorable, too.

ADSchill said...

I know what it's like worrying how you might hurt people with your good fortune. But hon, you have waited so long and been through so much to get here. Please enjoy and share. We have been rooting for you and want to experience your happiness too! Keep blogging (when you have the energy)!

Holly said...

A. I can totally see a little baby bump and it's adorable.

B. I know you want to be sensitive and not hurt people who want this so bad BUT you sweet friend have been FIGHTING for 6 years. I personally think its okay to blog/celebrate this pregnancy! When I was pregnant I accepted I would lose some followers that had to protect themselves but SO many of us following this journey of yours are SO PUMPED!! Personally the longer some one has been fighting this beast the happier I am when they finally start that climb from the trenches <3

Lindsay lynheartslife said...

You look lovely in that pic and yay for your shots being over!

Kristin said...

I'm so glad everything is going well! I have been praying for you - your story has touched me. Thank you for sharing and for honesty: as someone who is in a season of waiting and uncertainty, you are inspiring to me! xo

Just T said...

You look absolutely stunning!

I can totally understand what you are saying about those still in the trenches waiting on their babies also. It is so hard to not worry about them and want for them what we have now. I have to believe it will happen. It took you many years and it took many of us years to be in this place. Sit back and enjoy what you have worked so very hard for.

Aubrey said...

You look beautiful!! And I can totally relate to your not know what and how to blog right now. I felt similar when I became pregnant and now feel the same way blogging as a new mama. XO

Darcie K said...

I'm so happy for you Jessah! You look adorable, as always.

And, I think many of us that have been blessed enough to move to the "other side" have felt the same way about our blogs. But, I know when I was still in the trenches, it was sooo nice to see that others had made it. It gave me hope. I was genuinely happy for them. Now, there might have been days, weeks, or even months that I couldn't even handle reading their posts.... but I always came back to them when I was in better spirits.

In my opinion, I think you should keep blogging. You never completely forget about your IF struggles. It's always there. It's part of us. Therefore, it's not like your blog is going to suddenly become one of "those" lol. Keep on blogging sister! That is, when you aren't so tired. For now, get some rest, and rub that little baby bump!

Haisla said...

Oh Jessah, you look positively pregnant and glowing!! What a beautiful photo. And 'yay' for the last PIO shot - the number of sharps containers you've filled is just staggering!! But praise God for modern medicine, eh!!?? I have faith in your body taking over from here on and will pray for a smooth pregnancy.

I am so, so happy for you, please do keep on writing; those of us who can handle it will continue reading, those who struggle may need to take a little break. This is your space and I would love to follow your story as you now journey through pregnancy and into motherhood.xx

Haisla said...

Oh Jessah, you look positively pregnant and glowing!! What a beautiful photo. And 'yay' for the last PIO shot - the number of sharps containers you've filled is just staggering!! But praise God for modern medicine, eh!!?? I have faith in your body taking over from here on and will pray for a smooth pregnancy.

I am so, so happy for you, please do keep on writing; those of us who can handle it will continue reading, those who struggle may need to take a little break. This is your space and I would love to follow your story as you now journey through pregnancy and into motherhood.xx

conceptionallychallenged said...

I'm so happy to hear you are doing so well! And I can very much relate to the difficulty of finding the right words (and the tiredness, although at least for me it got better after the first trimester).
As for the sharps containers, we eventually started to use empty milk galleon containers... they fit more material ;)

Jennifer T said...

Ahh! What an amazing milestone! So happy the shots are over!!! Love your maternity shirt- you look fabulous in it!
I feel you on knowing what the right thing to say is- you are so so excited, but you know all to well the hurt others are still dealing with :(
Can't we all just get pregnant together? That would be so wonderful!

Amanda said...

12 weeks... Wow, Jessah this is just flying by! So happy to hear that the PIO is over and that you and baby boy are doing well! It's wonderful to hear from you, sweet friend.

Elisha Kearns said...

So good to see an update and you are just simply adorable!! I love your cute bump! No worries on your blog causing me pain...I rejoice when others rejoice and love to see others on the other side of the trenches. It increases my hope and reminds me that God is faithful :)

Also, I got the sweetest gift in the mail the other day! I just cried when I opened it and saw the thoughtfulness behind it. You are so sweet! You will soon be having a surprise for your baby boy coming your way soon :) xo

waitingforbabybird.com

Laura Rahel said...

Yahh! Cause for celebration! So happy for me!

Chelley N said...

I understand your feelings EXACTLY. I remember being pregnant with my daughter (my oldest), and having a small panic attack in the waiting room of my OB's office due to all the pregnant women. I thought, "this is so ridiculous, I'm pregnant now too" but those scars of infertility never, ever go away. And, as excited as I want to be about my pregnancy, I don't want to be insensitive to those who I know are going through hard things. I also don't want anyone to thing that I could ever forget the pain I went through to get where I am. It' such a conflict of emotions.

Sarah said...

GOODBYE YUCKY SHOTS! (but good shots!)
bring it on tri2! happy for you mama! hope your energy returns soon!

Suzanne said...

Omigoodness you look lovely! So many people love and care about you and I absolutely find such joy reading about your long awaited happy sunshine. Congrats on finally saying goodbye to PIO! xoxo

shay said...

i think as hard as it is for our infertile friends to read/hear about pregnancies, i think its also great, because it totally gives them hope for their future too. i think anyone that has read your blog knows how much you've struggled and is totally with you cheering you on with nothing but happiness! i think you need to embrace and celebrate every step of this pregnancy and enjoy it through your blog so you can look back someday and see that this journey was truly a labor of love. xoxo!

Amie said...

I'm sure I can speak for everyone in saying that you deserve this more than anyone and we are all so very happy for you!! I myself for sure want to follow your journey through pregnancy and after :)

A Few Good Eggs said...

Jessah, you look fantastic! Congratulations on reaching 12 weeks and here's hoping you feel less exhausted in the second trimester! You look great, btw!

Melissa Long said...

WOW that picture of the sharps containers is daunting! Glad you're done with needles!

Heather Bentley said...

I have been following your blog for about 2 years and wanted to tell you Congrats! :)
Not very long ago i felt the same way you did... afraid to celebrate my pregnancy how i wanted because i was worried about family members and close friends who were struggling with infertility. My sister who had just had a miscarriage told me that I still had to go on living my life and not living it for other people. She told me that this was my moment and i should be able to celebrate it, talk about it, however i wanted. A few months later she had her moment as well!
There may be some people who have to take a step back because it is painful for them but those close to you will be genuinely happy for you! You deserve this momma! Youve gone through so much and you deserve to shout it and celebrate it! I wish you so much joy!

Anonymous said...

You aren't hurting anyone. It gives people like me (waiting for my sunshine baby) hope.

Hope.

Keep writing, and we'll keep reading.

Isabelle said...

You look so great, friend! Are you in SF? Or did you just visit?

Finley S said...

you are such a caring lovely lady miss! The fact that you said that on this post is just so wonderful! I'd have to say as someone still trying - seeing success stories doesn't bring pain - it brings continued hope and absolute joy in our Lord that he fulfills his promises. So blog away - this is your miracle blessed by our Lord God and its the most precious, beautiful thing ever!

RockinMom said...

So happy for you. I was getting a little worried with the lack of posts, but was thinking it was new pregnancy fatigue. Glad to see an update.

Melissa said...

YOU'RE PREGNANT! I'm so excited for you, lady, and I'm praying for you every step of the way. I'm sure that all the other someday mothers are sharing in your joy, as well, regardless of how it might hurt them. You're still hoping and wishing for them, as well. Many hugs and smiles and blessings for you :)

(and I have that same top. LOVE)

Lyndsey Davis said...

You look so cute! Thank you for thinking of us. That part made me cry.

Wannabemom said...

I'm 12 weeks now, so far gained 2kgs, which I blame for my binging only.

I don't have a bump like you yet. Still wearing my normal jeans and so.

Amber said...

Look at you, cutie patootie! That first trimester is so exhausting! It's a lot of working growing a little human being! On top of that, it sounds like you have a crazy busy schedule. Don't forget to also ENJOY this pregnancy! :)

Stephanie said...

Yay for no more PIO injections! I would actually prefer those over the suppositories! I have had a rash down there for like 7 weeks now. Some days it's worse than others! My last day for Crinone is tomorrow! THANK GOD! ;)

I love the pic by the way! Your bump is too cute!!!

TwoPlusOne said...

You're looking great Jessah!
I will continue to think about you and wonder how you're doing, so please update us from time to time...Of course, take care of yourselves first, as that is much much more important.

Anonymous said...

I want to be happy for you, but after having another miscarriage from a frozen embryo transfer, I'm struggling. I think a lot of us know that horrible feeling where you turn into a green eyed monster when a fellow ttc woman gets pregnant. It's awful the way we can turn on each other. You deserve every bit of joy your pregnancy will bring. Even though I am desperately jealous, I wish you and your boy nothing but the best.

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