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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

driving myself mad

so this is my first EVER transfer which means i've had to endure a lot of 2 week waits, but none as high stakes as this one. and thank goodness, it is slightly less that two weeks from transfer to first beta.

but anyhow, i found this list on Pinterest titled '10 things i hated about being pregnant'. one would probably not think that article would be of particular interest to me. BUT here's how my crazy mind works. 

i started reading and thinking to myself. yep, i feel that. uh huh i have that symptom. 
sigh.

here are all the things that i've been feeling. things that i am trying not to totally let convince me that i am, in fact, in the very early stage of pregnancy and these things aren't just coincidences or my imagination. 

 -  no matter how late i eat, i wake up hungry.
-  no matter what i eat, i've been gassy. 
-  boobs are sore.
- feel stomach twinges.
- tired but can't sleep well. 

the annoying thing that totally screws with my head is that i'm taking progesterone and estrogen (the hormones you're body would naturally produce if you were pregnant) so even my symptoms are unreliable.

gah. 
i'm driving myself bat sh*t crazy. and trying not to obsess about baby names and for heaven's sakes…i need to stop pinning maternity outfits and baby clothes. 

well at least the wait is almost over…
i'll be posting beta results tomorrow.


57 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have done 3 transfers- the only one that led to a BFP (and beautiful baby!) my boobs were sore and I felt 'off'-- kind of light headed and neaseaous. The other ones my boobs stopped hurting a few days before the beta. I know everyone is different but that was my experience. Let me remind you that you have beautiful embryos on ice so take a breath- I would put money on a BFP tomorrow but you have an AMAZING plan B if you somehow need it. Xoxo

Brianna said...

Fingers crossed!!

Ashley @ Life on the Parsons Farm said...

I'm rooting so hard for you Jessah! Seriously I can't wait to see your positive post and I want to come through the computer to give you a hug!

I have to admit that I have been feeling these symptoms as well but I'm pretty sure that AF came today, I even had a dream about it last night....TTC and IF are no fun.

Cristy said...

Thinking of you.

ADSchill said...

I don't know how you are waiting to get that beta. I tested at home both times because I am crazy. Only a day or two early though because my clinic made me wait two full weeks!

It's so hard that the meds/hormones make you feel pregnant - it would be great if they didn't so you could feel what is real.

I remember the first thing I felt strongly was being very thirsty...so that is a decent indicator.

Wishing you all the best. I will be sitting by my phone tomorrow waiting!!!

Janna Renee said...

I think I'm pregnant ANY time I have a few of these symptoms. I can only imagine if I was on the hormones! Good luck and can't wait to hear results!

JoJo said...

Oh the 2ww seems like forever doesn't it? Praying that you get good results tomorrow.

Northern Star said...

Good luck good luck good luck!!!!!

Laura Rahel said...

Haha My poor boyfriend has been dealing with this lately. I've had a hysterical/chemical pregnancy before where I swore up and down I was pregnant but turns out I wasn't (I made the doctor take a blood test because I was sure the stick was lying) I was having SO many symptoms. But this was when I was married, before I was diagnosed. Well in the last few weeks, I've been eating the craziest things. One night I had a bag of m&m's, pringles and a jar of pickles (sweet, salty and sour) that I was eating all on rotation. Eat a handful of m&m's, swallow, move on to pickles, etc. He was like "Are you sure I didn't get you pregnant because I'm pretty sure I did." Luckily I know better now so I just laughed as said no because I'm obviously not. But it's so funny how we see those symptoms and drive ourselves mad over them. I AM PREGNANT! LOOK! PROOF! But the good news is that in less than a week, you'll know it's not all in your head, your little tummy has a tiny human being in it and that's so flippin' amazing!

I can haz babyz? said...

I will be stalking you tomorrow to see your results!! I feel very optimistic for you. I am keeping everything crossed friend!! :)

--Mindy

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you! I keep checking in :) all the best tomorrow!

Jennifer T said...

Ugh I DREAD the 2ww. It is the worst!
I am no expert on pregnancy, but the only BFP I got I was hungry all of the time! I would eat and then be hungry. It was crazy and so different! When I started to miscarry that hunger was gone, so I think that is a good sign you are!!!
So excited that this hellish 2ww is almost over for you!

Natalie | Mrs. Janney | said...

Praying praying praying for a BFP. And you can bet I will be checking like crazy for the results. :) I have a good feeling.

conceptionallychallenged said...

I was always incredibly hungry in the first trimester, and long before any test would pick up enough hCG.
Also, I doubt that pinning baby clothes will make you significantly more or less sad if there were a negative result... so I'd say, do whatever gets you through these days! Fingers crossed!!

Mrs Green Grass said...

Omg...beta tmrw! Good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Lyn said...

I don't often comment, but thought I'd share my experience - I've had 3 IVFs and on the third successful transfer my major symptoms were that I could not sleep later than about 3am each morning - very odd for me and my heart rate increased. I was also hungry but got totally bloated if I ate a regular portion size. The rest of what I felt was more than likely progesterone. Good luck, fingers crossed x

JenS said...

Tomorrow!! I'll be stalking your blog and hoping, hoping for amazing news. And yeah, the progesterone makes the 2ww a total mindf*ck.

RunCC37 said...

Beta results TOMORROW!?!??!?! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sending you every single shred of good luck I have!!! Fingers couldn't be crossed any harder!!!!!

And as far as the phantom symptoms go... Ugh. They are the worst! But it's impossible not to think that way. We've all done it!! And the combo of estrogen & progesterone is evil in so many ways!!! Hang in there!!!

waiting and wishing said...

I am so excited to hear. I had symptoms that I tried to pretend we're not there both times, and both times I was in fact, pregnant. The one I trust the most now is my blood pressure. It was normal or the high side of normal and VERY consistent but once I got pregnant (detectably so by HCG) my blood pressure dropped, not hugely, but enough to notice both times. That and the boobs- I have never ever had my boobs feel the way they did during early pregnancy- that was absolutely next level! Praying for great news tomorrow!

Endo_Life said...

I am glad you are at test day you made it through the two week wait xx i will be eagerly awaiting positive news xxxx

Amy said...

Will be praying for you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Maria said...

I've been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. sending love <3

emmaonafarm said...

fingers crossed xoxox

Finley S said...

yay your at the pointy end of the 2 week wait - i think i heard that sigh in your post from here haha! So praying for your miracle Jessah! your an impressive woman!

SmallTownFamily said...

I was going to wait to comment on this, but I'm so excited for you. And, I know only too well exactly what you're going through at this moment. Here's to your first beta results being the same as mine were on Monday! ;) xo

The Run Away Stork said...

Yep you are there. This is what I like to call the Crazy Train. All 2ww's are terrible when you are trying to get pregnant. But I truly believe after an IVF transfer is the very worst. You *know* for a fact there's a living being that was placed inside you. And it's impossible not to completely obsess over every twinge and feeling. Through the progesterone and estrogen in the mix and the train speeds up. I fluctuate between being positive it worked and I'm pregnant, to being certain it didn't and it's the hormones causing my "symptoms". I go back and forth between these two conclusions several times a day. By the time beta arrives I feel as if I've totally lost it.

That being said I'm praying so hard for you and relieved that your wait is almost over. I'm hoping this is the first wait of your pregnancy and bringing your baby home. Sending you love friend!

Elena Ridley said...

It's so hard not to symptom spot! We all do it, even if we say we aren't going to!! I had bad cramps after my transfer and I was certain that they were from implantation, I was wrong of course, but like you said, you're on so many hormones that its hard to determine if they're pregnancy signs or just side effects from progesterone and estrogen. Fingers and toes crossed for you dear friend!! Lots of love and sticky baby dust!!

Stephanie said...

Woohoo, test day is here! Everything is crossed for positive results!!

Erika said...

Ugggghhh that is SO frustrating!!! Praying for good beta news!!!!

Morgan Rae said...

I'm sending LOTS of positive thoughts and prayers your way!!

Amie said...

yay!! I can't wait to hear your results but all of those symptoms sound promising!

Ashley said...

That was the worst! Praying for great news!

Kandie Walker said...

Saying a prayer that after today you will be on cloud 9!!

Just T said...

I am a firm believer that symptoms or lack of is not a good indicator of pregnancy. I honestly believe that most woman get symptoms because of their mental obsession with becoming pregnant. From all the research I have done, hcg, estrogen and progesterone cause your body to have a reaction, symptoms and most of this stuff doesn't start building up in your system until 5-6 weeks of pregnancy.

I have a great feeling and I am on pins and needles waiting for your results!!! I would have peed on about 50 sticks already !

Amanda said...

EEEEK! Tomorrow?!?!? I'm so excited! I'm REALLY hoping this is it for you!!!

Mrs. Kee said...

Praying for you and positive news tomorrow!!

Darcie K said...

Jessah- I've really fallen off the blogosphere since having Wyatt as far as writing and commenting goes. But, I wanted you to know I'm still reading, hoping, rooting and praying! You are always in my T&P'S sweet lady! Xoxox

TwoPlusOne said...

Good luck for tomorrow Jessah! I will be keeping everything crossed, and will be thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jessah,

I've been reading your blog forever and its gotten me through some extremely tough times, I was diagnosed with DOR and just had a successful IVF. I'm just so excited for you I got teary reading your post this morning..
Tomorrow is my birthday and I just know you are going to get positive news! I hear you on the drugs messing with your body and over analysing every single thing that could possibly be a symptom.
Can't wait to see your post tomorrow and hang in there for the next 24 hours! Then the fun wait of 9 months will begin ... slowest wait of your life!

Rebecca said...

Praying like crazy for you today!

Mrs B. said...

I am waiting with baited breath. I have been praying for you Jessah.

A Few Good Eggs said...

Test day! I am hoping for good news for you today. The symptoms and the obsessing during the 2WW are such torture... glad it is finally over!

Krystal Sullivan said...

Good luck! I have my fingers crossed for you and I'll be thinking of you until beta!

Whitney B. said...

When I was pregnant I was starving every.single.morning. I would eat and fall asleep again. I hope this is it for you, but if not you have beautiful embryos waiting for you! Either way, you are totally becoming a mommy SOON!! Ahhhh!!!

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you! I am praying for good news for both of you! You are strong! :)

Kimberly Q said...

good luck! hopefully all these symptoms are spot on!!

Charity said...

I wrote down all my symptoms from each day even after BFP. Some things I look back on and I know were sure signs. I had heart palpitations and blurry visions. Once I got a positive beta I was like I should have known. Let your heart dream and wonder. It's all in God's hands. Believing for great news tomorrow. xo

Anonymous said...

Soon enough... Whether it's this little embryo or the next, you'll be barfing your head off, every smell will send you to the toilet, you'll be dying for a glass of wine, you'll be overly emotional & your boobs will get HUGE ( silver lining.) Lol. Your time is coming!!!!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

So tomorrow is the day you find out??!?! I would be going nuts but at least you have some symptoms!

Mrs. Lost said...

I can't wait to hear the results!!I can't believe the you have POAS, I had no will power. Prayers friend

"B" said...

Praying so hard! The TWW is crazy insane! I so hope you get great news tomorrow!

Caroline said...

Praying Jessah!

Aramis said...

I've never had much in the way of symptoms no matter what, and this cycle was absolutely no different. I'll be crossing my fingers for you tomorrow and hoping for a great result!

Anonymous said...

Now I'm going mad waiting for your results! Hoping for the best!

ADSchill said...

I've checked my phone about 10 times today. I am so excited and nervous!

Anonymous said...

Just came across your beautiful blog- I am saying a major prayer for you!!!!'

Susan said...

Nervously excited for you because that two week wait was the worst for me. I always had every symptom...ugh I remember! Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for a happy update! :)

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