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Wednesday, February 5, 2014

next steps (and WTF appointment)

We had our WTF appointment with Dr. S.  
He told us that it is possible to keep cycling with my own eggs and eventually get one genetically normal embryo. But since we've been through so much…he doesn't want to see us keep banging our heads against the wall. And we don't want that either….nor can we afford that.

He is recommending egg donation for our best chance of a take-home baby. 

The CCS test results from our two embryos raised some concerns though. Both of our abnormal embryos had the same chromosomal abnormality. It was in chromosome 20. One embryo was missing a chromosome and the other embryo had an extra chromosome. Dr. S is concerned that one or both of us could have a chromosomal rearrangement or what is referred to as balanced translocation. There is a long genetic explanation if you want to read it…but it's super scientific and over my head. 

Basically, we need to do karyotype testing which will examine our chromosomes in sample cells which would help identify genetic problems that could be contributing to our infertility. It is a blood test and it takes three weeks to get the results back. We are currently trying to see if it is covered by insurance.

Dr. S wants to make sure A isn't a balanced translocation carrier because that would change things in terms of us being good candidates for donor eggs. If A is a carrier then, we would need to go a different route. 

In the last few weeks,
we've been doing some soul searching and discussing different paths to parenthood…

stealing a baby from the grocery store
adoption
embryo adoption
donor eggs

There are no easy answers.
But after much discussion and a lot of research, 
we're leaning towards egg donation if A doesn't have genetic issues.

Dr. S has no reason to believe that I can't carry a pregnancy.
 He gives us an 80% chance of success with donor eggs if we decide to pursue that path.
With egg donation, it feels like we would be giving up the least.

I would still be able to experience pregnancy.
A would still have a genetic connection to our child.
We could ensure the best care for our baby in utero. 
No one could change their mind and take our baby away.

But I'm also scared to death of having to endure more heartache and pain. 
We really need this journey to end and move on with our lives. 

59 comments:

Katie DiSimone said...

Makes me wish I had a magic wand, crystal ball, and all those sorts of things for you guys. So hard to hear the struggles, but I'm pulling for you, medical, science, good luck, and finances to all come together for parenthood in the near future.

Weylin said...

Dear Jessah,

I'm stuggling with the same issues (as is Don't Count Your Eggs, if you read her blog) around the same time as well. I wanted to hop on and say, well, we've physically pointed out children we'd steal from grocery stores before (it ain't all of them;p) and also, you have my full support and admiration for whatever you decide. I want this for you and I'd love to meet you and your baby one day. I'm confident this is in our future, one way or another. Hang in there.

xo,

Weylin
www.wishingawayinfertility.blogspot.com

Amanda said...

I found out this past November I am the balanced tea located carrier, husband is not. It was a relief to know what has been causing our infertility but it was also something that did and still is messing with my head.

I will pray for you and A to find an answer and get your take home baby like we all dre of daily.

Good luck!

Aramis said...

M and I are having pretty much these exact same conversations right now. And as much as I'm in a very bad place at the moment, your comment about stealing a baby from the grocery store made me smile for a minute. Thank you for that.

Ashley P said...

Before we adopted Ellie, I was that crazy lady while out shopping whispering to my husband "That baby just looked at me. I think she wants to come home with us! Do you think her mom will notice if we take her out of the cart? I mean she's not even looking!!! The baby smiled at me I think she wants to live with us!!!" For some reason he always said "no that the mom would be really sad." To which I replied "oh I'm sure she can just have another one!!" But alas we left the store without the baby every time. Sometimes I still find myself having that conversation!! Ha

conceptionallychallenged said...

Oh Jessah. This must be such a hard place. I hope the karyotyping brings answers. I knew a blogger who struggled who's husband had a balanced translocation, and they brought home healthy twins, after many many losses... I have no idea how common this is, there may be others going through this now.
Hang in there. I wish I could send you a hug that would, somehow, make it all better. Life is so unfair sometimes.

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said...

Will be praying that you guys would have clear direction on this. Can't imagine what a tough decision this must be. XO

Cristy said...

What a heavy WTF appointment. So much to think about. I've been through karyotyping and know first hand the anxiety of waiting for those results (though mine was more of a fishing for explanations then a suggested lead). I'm thinking of you and A as you begin this part of your journey. Rooting for you the whole way.

Kelley Gilster said...

That news sounds very hopeful! Stay positive :)

Liz said...

I don't think our karyotyping was covered by insurance but I'm still glad we did it. It helps to have answers in order to have better closure. Hoping your hubby isn't a carrier and that you can pursue your next steps without any hurdles. Thinking of you.

sunlavender said...

I have no words and can't imagine the heartache you are going through. All I can say is best of luck moving forward.

Aubrey said...

Oh Jessah... You're right you need this journey to end... And for it to end with happy news. I'm praying and am thinking of you always! XOXO

Kasey A said...

Praying for you Jessah and for the choices to come.

Lisa Mace said...

Praying for you!

Elisha Kearns said...

Praying for you girl! I can't imagine :/ God has a perfect plan for all of this though and what the devil is meaning for harm, God will turn into good. He won't let anything you go through go to waste. You will come out better than before! love ya!

waitingforbabybird.com

Amanda said...

I feel like you and I are in a similar frame of mind... you guys are just much better at making decisions and moving forward. : ) Meanwhile, I make lists and research and pretend I'm
"deciding". I like this plan though. I'm really hoping that the karyotype results come back and give A the all clear. 80% is feeling pretty darn fabulous... and coming from Dr. S at CCRM that's pretty spectacular! Thinking of you often, Jessah. I know you must be struggling (because I sure am), so I'm sending lots of love and hugs!

bellehavendrive said...

I hope everything turns out normal with the karyotype testing. Donor eggs certainly aren't ideal, but - you're right - we get the pregnancy as well as a genetic connection via our hubbies. Also, we provide the biological component, which is really special. :)

Laura @ Making Baby Provence said...

Lately, we have been discussing the idea of stealing a baby from a grocery store, too! I'll tell my husband to keep his eye out for twins, now, and we'll give you one. No cost. You're welcome.

Seriously, though, I am praying for you daily. Now, I'm praying for A's test to come back normal and for your decision that follows. *hugs*

Emily said...

I hope the karyotyping gives you some answers to guide your next steps. We had this done after my 2nd loss, and even though we have zero infertility coverage, it was covered 100%...pretty shocking! I wonder if they can code it with something, anything other than infertility coding?

Surprisingly, I was the one who came back normal and my hubby has an aneuploidy called 45x46xy. We will never know for sure if this has played a role in our infertility, because it was only found in 4 out of 50 cells tested. There is no way to tell if this aneuploidy was present in any sperm cells (to then be contributed to potential embryos), but if it is/was, then it could most definitely be the reason for genetically abnormal chromosomes/infertility/loss. I think it's great you're doing the testing, because it might give you some info. you've been missing all along!

Always Maylee said...

I'm thinking of you and wishing you guys the best of luck. I hope A's test results come back with some good news.

xo, Yi-chia

Anonymous said...

Hi Jessah-
We're in same position right now. Something to consider: donor egg guarantee programs. Nothing is a guarantee, but why not at least have guarantee of $ back for other options if needed? I know everyone has a story, but a friend of mine did fresh donor egg @ ccrm- bfn. She went to rba in atlanta- did donor egg guarantee & preg. first try. You get 5 attempts, if no live birth, over half money back. $28k total cost. Very respected program. We're leaning that way. Your candor & willingness to share your story gives me courage. Good things are headed your way.

Lanie said...

I hope A is not a carrier, so that you can move on with the path closest to your original plan. Another thin we have in common is that I really really wanted a baby for my husbands sake because he I s adopted and I wanted him to have a biological link to someone in his world, and I really really wanted his dimples passed down to our baby. Now he has a mini that really looks nothing like me, and even my neighbors say if they didn't see me pregnant they would have thought she wasn't biologically mine. (Uneducated comment aside :)It's made me realize how unimportant my genes in her really matter to me. In fact, she got a lot of my less desirable genes. Excema, fine hair, skin sensitivities. I'm not trying to diminish what is important to you, but in retrospect, the thing that bonds my daughter and I most is not our genes, but that I carried her and am able to nurse her. She may be a carbon copy of my husband, but she is an extension of my body.

I'm praying your insurance covers this test ad you can move forward soon!!

Kaitlyn Biver said...

I actually have a balanced translocation. We are currently going through our second IVF/PGD. I love following your journey and hope the very best for you! Link to my blog :
www.miscarriagestomiracles.blogspot.com

Hugs!!

holly said...

I hope you guys get the answers you are looking for. I love how your first option is stealing a baby from the store.. When I'm feeling exceptionally blue about the whole TTC thing and crying about wanting a baby. My hubs always says "well, let's go to Wal-Mart and find you one" I know it doesn't help, but sometimes it makes me smile.

Lilee said...

It sounds like you guys have been really thoughtful in your decision and I'm wishing you the best! Seems like donor eggs could be a great option (depending on your test results).

I'll admit, I've definitely calculated that the "easiest" option would be stealing a baby from the grocery store...minus the felony, of course.

Kimberly Q said...

Egg donation is an awesome option. Please reach out to me if you have questions or concerns. Its not perfect - and hearing 80% success made me think it was - but on take 3 we are growing twins! I would be happy to tell you about my experience!

Laura Rahel said...

<3

Anonymous said...

Hi :)

Just started reading your blog few months ago and have never commented till now as I definately see it fit. I am a mommy to a baby I had via donor egg and never one second have I regretted a single thing about that. I held her in my belly held her when she came out of my womb and continue to hold her now as a growing toddler. Yes yes I had months of grieving over the loss of my 'genetic link' in the chain and said then I would never be able to proceed, but I cannot tell you how happy we are that I charged ahead with what I ultimately felt was my destiny to become a mommy. Anyway, whatever route you choose will be of course what is best for your family but I can say with 100% assurance that the struggle to get that take home baby will make those first few months and years all the more precious and yes mommy is a a mommy no matter how you arrive there. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time. I just felt the need to give a little extra pep talk to that part of you that wants to charge on:)

-Steph in sacramento

Sarah said...

I'm sorry I know this is a very serious post but the "steal a baby from the grocery store" totally cracked me up :) At least you were able to hold onto your good sense of humor from all that heartache :) I am liking your plan! And I will pray that the testing is covered by your insurance! Xo

shay said...

jessah, as always, my thoughts and prayers are with you that you get the answers you're looking for. i also hope insurance covers the testing you need!

{Jessica} said...

To be honest with you, I did not know that donor eggs were an option. That sounds amazing though! I'll be hoping that all tests come back clear on A so that you guys can pursue that route - oh how wonderful that would be!!!

Caroline said...

Jessah, I hope you receive a peace about which option to take! xoxo

Endo_Life said...

I hope you find answers in these tests. I think of you often, you and A have such strength.

Suzanne said...

Sounds like all the right steps are being taken and while all of those options are wonderful ways to build a family, I agree, experiencing pregnancy and giving life to our (hopefully future) baby is such a big part of why I chose donor eggs.

The last line really hit me. I couldn't agree more. We do need to move on with our lives and to be able to look into a positive and happy future. Lets get there!!

Courtney Wilson said...

You have been through a lot. You are a hero before even becoming a mom. Pray through your options. Your "rains" will come. :)

Ashley said...

Praying for direction for you! I can't wait to see you with a baby in your arms!

Infertile625 said...

You amaze me with your strength and fight. You have such an amazing outlook and are a real inspiration to me, personally. I value having made this connection with you because it's from you that I learn so much about myself. You make me reflect and check myself to keep me where I need to be.

If your genetic testing isn't covered by insurance, look into using a company called NATERA. They are fairly new and based in CA. They do genetic testing and will work with you if insurance won't cover something. When we had our miscarriage they did our testing and when insurance wouldn't cover $1,000 worth of testing they only charged us $95. Worth looking into!

Thinking of you brave girl.

Kristen said...

Hey, I'm sorry that the news was so rough. Nothing on this journey is easy and I hope you the hubs find peace in your decision and can move forward.
P.S. I strongly recommend you steer away from your first option. That never ends well ;)

-Kristen

Kacy said...

I wish you the best of luck in your next steps! Fingers crossed that you get to go down the path of using an egg donor.

An Airman and a Doctor said...

Hey Jessah, you and your husband have been on my mind and in my prayers. You are so incredible and so strong. I desperately hope that a new game plan will make your dreams come true. Please know if I can every do anything for you, anything at all, I will be there. Without a doubt. Heart ya, girl.

Whitney B. said...

Hoping this route works out for y'all, praying insurance will cover it and/or that you will get the funds to receive much needed answers. I like the stealing baby from a grocery store, that thought occurred often as awful as it sounds, those of us who experienced infertility totally get that feeling. I want things to work out for you so badly Jessah!

Northern Star said...

I'm really proud of you Jessah.

I understand what a hard blow this all is - take the time you need to recover from the emotions and grief that have come as a result of this situation.

What I have come to realize is that biology plays such a small part in parenting and love - being a mom is so much more than sharing genes. I don't mean to minimize your pain - just sharing my experience and extending what I hope is comfort that there is so much joy to come for you and A in your baby. Shared genes or not - you will see a reflection of yourself and A every day as your child grows.

The Run Away Stork said...

Jessah,
I completely understand where you are coming from, as I've thought long and hard about the same options. I agree that donor eggs seems like the best option and I pray that A's genetic tests come back all clear and that is a viable option for you. I hope you are hanging in there and I will continue to pray that your happy ending is near.

Mrs. Lost said...

I will continue to keep you guys in my prayers. Your strength through this struggle has been amazing. I can't imagine the pain that you have felt but please know that we are all here for you.

Charity said...

Gosh Jessah!! Heart wrenching to say the least. I know God has an amazing plan and I am praying he will show you which path to take.

J and A said...

I'll help you swipe one from the store!! I wish I could help in anyway!! You are one strong lady. You amaze me. I just want to hug you really. ;)

Non Sequitur Chica said...

There are no easy answers. I hope you get some more information through the testing and can move forward with whatever you are going to do soon.

chels819 said...

Haha! "stealing a baby from the grocery store" - that made me laugh out loud. It's something we have all jokingly thought before! Wishing you guys the very best ... sending lots of hugs, love, and baby dust! ~Chelsea

trialsbringjoy.wordpress.com

Melc said...

Hi Jessah! I have been following your blog for a while now and I'm so sorry about everything you and your Dh have been through. I just wanted to let you know if you are considering embryo adoption there is a wonderful program through California Conceptions. My husband and I just received our first match and I will be flying out there in March for our first (hopefully only transfer. the program is a double donor-embryo program. You get three tries and if it fails and your on their guarantee program you get all your money back. They have really high success rates. I just wanted to through this option out there. Someone recommended them to me and I am so thankful and in all 5 years we have been trying we have never felt so close to having our dream of becoming parents come true. Good Luck! I hope that your dreams come true very soon.

Jennifer T said...

Those all are the hardest decisions that are no fun to make! I feel like my husband and I are needing to consider other options as well. I pray your have peace with the direction you choose to take.

Logan said...

Such a tough decision! An 80% chance of success with donor eggs is so encouraging. It sounds like maybe God is opening up doors for you guys. I know it must be hard for you to open up your heart about this and continue writing after so much disappointment, but thank you for continuing to share. I can't wait to get to celebrate with you one day!!!

Sarah said...

Oh Jessah, I've been reading and keeping up with your blog but was unable to comment because my google account was being a pill... I wanted to tell you that I was just so heartbroken about your IVF. I think you guys have a good plan and I'm thinking of you and yes, this journey needs to take a positive turn. Huge, huge hugs friend.

Amber said...

I love that you and A have been able to sit down and talk about your next steps. It sounds like you have a solid plan, even if it is scary. The thing is, no matter which direction you choose it could lead to more heartache potentially. Early on in this process, we just don't know to be so scared because we are so optimistic. I do know what you mean about needing to be able to move on. Determine what your end point will be, and go for it. I do believe you were meant to be a mom!

Sunflower said...

Jessah, I am just catching up on blogs and I am so sorry to read your updates. I have been where you are when I realized I would never have a "mini me". In my case being older I sort of knew it may come to DE, yet it was really hard when my OE IVF failed. I cried and mourned the loss of a genetic baby - that is normal. Then during my WTF my RE asked me "what is the end game here?". I said "I want to be a mother", so he said -- do DE. And that was it! Best decision I ever made since it guaranteed me a 68% chance of being a mother. Now when I look at my baby, she is ALL mine. I see so much of me in her even if her DNA does not match mine. I just wanted to share this so you realize that you still have wonderful options out there should you be faced with choosing one of them. I wish you the best.

Mrs Harris said...

Are you going to do Councyl? It's very inclusive tests for over 100 genetic conditions and not expensive.

Good Luck hun :-) Your take home baby is coming your way soon.

babystepstobump said...

I really hope the karotyping gets you some answers. You're an admirably strong person and I hope with all my heart that your dream comes true very, very soon! Hugs!

zara may said...

I love your blog
followed
http://minimaysi.blogspot.co.uk/

SmallTownFamily said...

I've known since my last loss that I have a BT. Every embryo that has made it to blast stage has had a trisomy or 2. We're doing one last cycle with my eggs to find that ONE healthy, normal embryo. But, have our DEIVF scheduled for May. Grieve. Grieve a lot. But, remember when that baby gets here via a 'helper' you'll forget all about the pain and heartache.

Tausha said...

You come to my mind often. I just cannot imagine the pain you have felt time and time again - I Just want to reach out and hug you.

Shoot. You can totally take ANY of my eggs. I've only had one baby & she's a hellion, but seriously. As crazy as that sounds, not sure if it's any cheaper for you - but I would LOVE to give you an egg/s. I don't even know if thats a possibility - but keep me in mind.

Always thinking of you girl. xoxo

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