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Friday, December 27, 2013

the last cycle has begun

This is my hail mary cycle. My leap of faith. The one that's gotta do the trick. At the beginning of my cycle, I was pretty relaxed. So much so that I forgot to start my estrace until the following day. Apparently, it wasn't a big deal and all was still okay.

But now, I'm starting to get a little worried and scared. Terrified if I'm being honest. I don't even want to think the "what if this doesn't work" question because…it HAS to work. All I can do is pray and be thankful for all of you angels out there who've supported us over the years.

Yesterday, I had my local monitoring appointment (suppression check) down in sunny San Diego. La Jolla to be exact. A and I were visiting his family for Christmas. It was sunny and 78 in December. Perfect weather. I'm hoping that is a good omen for the start of my cycle. 


At one point during our trip, I had a mini estrogen-induced breakdown. It. was. not. pretty. But I'm so grateful this guy was there to pick me up despite all of the ugliness and move past it. He reminded me that what we've been going through for FIVE very long, exhausting, emotionally-draining years is not easy. True that, A.


Nothing about this journey is easy. In fact, I'm currently engaged in the biggest fight of my life….battling infertility. Trying to stay positive and keep sight of my dream…our baby. The reason I've put myself and my marriage through the ringer. 

Dear God…
please let it all be worth it.


44 comments:

Aubrey said...

I am praying so hard that this is worth it for you. I just keep thinking that ccrm works miracles and I really think that you'll see that very soon! Thinking of you!! XO

Em said...

Yes. Please, please, PLEASE let it be worth it. I'm really rooting for you, my friend.

Sarah said...

Praying so hard this is IT :) And friend, it is ALL worth it...every tear...every penny...ever bit of pain...worth it when then baby is in your arms. I want nothing more than for this to work for you!!! xo

Laura Rahel said...

Sending warm wishes, good thoughts, best of luck, fingers crossed, happy prayers and everything else good your way!

Krysti Sumpter said...

This must be very hard to go through, but always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. You can't have the rainbow without the rain!

Marcy said...

Jessah, I am so rooting for you and that this cycle will be the one that fulfills your dream of dimples. Sending you strength to make it through.

Finley S said...

Praying that you get your little miracle.

conceptionallychallenged said...

I so much hope it'll be worth it.
Thinking of you, and hoping that the sunshine can give you some peace and happiness to help you get through. And hopefully come out on the other side, with a baby.

Emily said...

It's going to work. It's going to work. It's just got to!!! So glad you got some sunshine in La Jolla. Love that place. You guys are seriously such a cute couple....you're going to make a beautiful baby!

Endo_Life said...

I began my journey December 27th 2012. I posted on fb about it being the anniversary and how I hoped all those still in the trenches battling got the outcome they dream of. I will be thinking of you my friend. Stay strong and just concentrate on one day at a time.

Mrs Harris said...

Good Luck! You've been through so much! My husband constantly reminds me that our journey though fertility has made us stronger and brought us closer than we would ever be if things "just happened" for us. I am positive that this is the case for everyone who has ever gone more than a few years trying to conceive. In a way we're the lucky ones to learn to love our spouses with more of our hearts with an open appreciation for them and be forced to teach each other how to communicate and soothe the other effectively. <3

Crossing my fingers that this blog turns into a countdown to baby blog very soon!

Sarah said...

I'm thinking of you and praying, Jessah! xoxo

Northern Star said...

Yes, please let it be worth it ... you and A deserve this so much Jessah. I hope with all my heart and soul that this is your time friend. Wishing you and A all the best this cycle.

Amanda said...

I'm so hopeful for you Jessah! I'm with Aubrey… CCRM is the right place for you and I'm so hopeful that your miracle is on the way! Hoping for some very good news next week! Thinking of you!

Dream Chase said...

Lots and lots of prayers!!! Praying this is it!!! *hugs*

AM said...

Sending prayers and positive thoughts.

wherethebleepisourstork said...

Thinking of you!! Praying so hard that THIS is it!! Come on Hail Mary!! P.S. Love those pics - we were there (in the same exact spot) this summer!

Elena Ridley said...

Thinking of you!!

Amie said...

Praying so hard for you Jessah, this has to be it :) You deserve this so very much!

Caroline said...

Believing this is the cycle for you Jessah!!!

Kailey said...

Hoping so badly that this is it for you!!! Im cheering you on from Alabama! Keep fighting, girl! :)

Jennifer T said...

I hope this is the one for you and that this will all be worth it! You will be in my thoughts and prayers :)

Katie @ Loverly She said...

Praying for you lady xx

Ashley said...

So jealous of the 78 degree weather!!
Praying for you! Keep trusting the Lord!

Amira said...

My fingers and toes are crossed for you Jess!!!! xoxoxo

Kristin said...

Good luck! Hoping for the best.

JoJo said...

Positive thinking! Positive thinking! Praying that this cycle is the one. Looks like you had a blast. Love the pics.

JenS said...

I've got everything crossed for you. This is it. It's going to work. Thinking positive thoughts.

ADSchill said...

I am praying this is your time. You deserve some light and happiness...and your baby. I am really pulling for you.

Mrs B. said...

I am praying hard for you girl that everything goes well. You deserve complete happiness x

Gypsy Mama said...

I will be cheering you on the whole way! xo

Sadie said...

Jessah, I am sending SO much hope your way for this coming cycle. You've been at this for so long, and been through so much. You ndeserve this!

Your photos are gorgeous, bu the way.

Nikki said...

I hope this works for you! Best wishes from Missouri.

Mrs. E said...

Everything is crossed for you! I am hoping and praying that this cycle brings you your miracle!

Mrs. Lost said...

I will be praying for you Jessah. You have been through so much and deserve what you have been fighting for.

Always Maylee said...

I am thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. Good luck with this cycle my friend!

xo, Yi-chia

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I am crossing absolutely everything that this is your cycle!!

Anne said...

Jessah: I am a new reader--thinking of you these next few weeks! I am so excited to read your good news!!

Tausha said...

We are praying for you EVERY DAY. This is going to be IT. We know it!!!

Morgan Brooks said...

Cheering you on during this Hail Mary! Everything within me and out side of me is crossed for you! Praying praying praying for success and Gods grace to be magnified in your life this cycle! Anticipating the outcome and updates! Lots of love your way! Xox

D. said...

hi jessah. just wanted to send you love and strength as you continue your battle, you warrior. this is the hail mary of all cycles for you and i both. let's do this!

#webelieveinmiracles

D.

SmallTownFamily said...

Give it your all, girl!

Can't wait to read the outcome.

Here's to a fresh start, to 2014!

Janna Renee said...

You guys make SUCH a cute couple, and are going to make beautiful babies!! Yay for good omens <3

Amber said...

I'm way behind in my blogging, but desperately trying to catch up. I have no idea how this cycle is going for you, or maybe how it's turned out at this point, but I am really hoping for the best! Thinking of you!

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