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Friday, September 13, 2013

not good


Today's appointment did not go well. 

Well, let me back up.

Monday was CD1 and AF came with the vengeance that morning. Horrible pain and heavy bleeding. I couldn't take Advil or anything for the pain. At one point, the pain was so bad, I was nauseous and vomiting. However, everything subsided about 9 hours later. By Tuesday, my period was essentially over. 

Fast forward to this morning...I went in for my suppression check at my local clinic.

Disappointment #1
Dr. A only saw one follicle on the left and three on the right. Sigh. Really...only four? She went back to the right and said that maybe there could be two more little follies there. Hard to say. 

{I feel like she was throwing me a bone. Yes, I have DOR but I was hoping for more than four follicles.}

Disappointment #2
Dr. A asked about my period because she saw that my lining was still present. Meaning that I didn't shed everything during my period. It isn't too surprising considering how short my cycle was this month. She said she's not sure what my doc will think of that. It will probably depend what my progesterone and estrogen levels show this afternoon. 

Disappointment #3
After my appointment, hubby called to tell me that he has a fever, body aches and scratchy throat. He's a firefighter/paramedic at a busy department. Since he doesn't sleep much for two days straight and is around sick people in the back of the ambulance, he gets sick often. He was upset because he didn't want to disappoint me this close to our egg retrieval. Will his fever affect his sperm quality? If he gets me sick, will it affect my egg quality and prevent me from being able to move forward? Never mind that it just isn't fun being sick especially when you're supposed to be traveling and away from the comfort of your own home. 


Not exactly how I wanted my day to start. So now we wait for the call from the nurse at CCRM. They should get the results of my blood test this afternoon and let me know whether we should proceed with stims tomorrow. 

I'm not even sure what I'm hoping for. I don't really want to start stims if we are facing additional obstacles this month with a really low follicle count, potential risk of getting sick and presence of that pesky lining. 

I just keep telling myself when emotions and tears well up...
it will be what it will be. 


32 comments:

shay said...

oh no! on all 3 counts. that just sucks all around... i think right now all you can do is wait and see what your doc thinks and tell hubby to load up on lots of vitamin C and rest!

Just T said...

I am so sorry you had such a bad appointment this morning. I truly hope that your doctor will make the best decision for you guys going forward from here.

crazyperfectlife said...

Praying for you! Hope everything gets better!

Charity said...

Aww Jessah nothing really I can say to comfort you. But just know I am praying for you and God has you under god wings. You will overcome every obstacle in your way with His help.

Endo_Life said...

Keep your chin up, thinking of you x

Suzanne said...

There is nothing I hate more than DOR. Ugh. I'm so sorry that your cycle is starting out with so many disappointments. I hope that your body can turn this around an really rally.

Also hoping your hubs starts feeling better soon. I know neither of you want the added stress of feeling puny. Big, big hugs. xo

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Your hubby shouldn't worry about his sperm quality. The fact that he is sick now will only effect his sperm in a few months.

I hope you don't get sick!!

Catherine said...

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Praying so big for you right now. I know that this isn't the news you were hoping for, but I have faith that God's plan for this cycle is nothing but good. Stay strong. Praying for hubby to get better soon. I've also got DOR and will begin my first IVF once my levels get back down to zero. I think it's awesome that you even have four! Love & hugs!

Ashley said...

I was always told that the first appointment doesn't mean as much! Follicles will grow and new ones will pop up.

But as far as getting sick I'm not sure - good questions for your doctor when they call :)

Hopefully everything works out though!! Fingers crossed!

Laura Crosby said...

I hope you get feeling better soon pretty lady! Don't waste your energy on the bad stuff. You've got so many things to look forward to :)

Erika said...

Ugh, girl. I'm so sorry. What a disappointing start. The part where you had to deal with AF with no meds sounds unbelievably awful. I hope you get some clarity from CCRM and that your husband feels better soon!!

bellehavendrive said...

Darn, I HATE that we can't control our bodies especially during the few days that dictate the start of the stim cycles. I'm so sorry to read this. :( I'm sorry your day came with these disappointments. I'll be praying for you and that what does happen is the best thing. It's frustrating when you want to get things started but don't know if this is the right cycle. And all we really want is a baby, and it takes soooo much more effort for us.

Caroline said...

Jessah - That does not sound like a good day for you or your husband, but believing that God is still faithful! Praying for you!!

Darcie K said...

:( well, boo. I'm sorry for all the disappointments. Why can't things ever just all fall into place? Just this once??? I'm hoping that A gets over this cold and that it's just a minor one. I'm hoping that things can somehow someway turn around for this cycle.

Hugs, Jessah, I can only imagine how hard it is to put all this time and money into a cycle out of state, only to have things start off less than stellar. xoxoxo

Aubrey said...

Oh! I'm sorry, Jessah! Honestly, though, in my opinion, don't worry too much about your follicle count yet - mine never really start showing up until I start stimming. Let us know what CCRM says... will be thinkig of you! XO

Dream Chase said...

*hugs* Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers girl. I really hope this gets turned around.

Infertile625 said...

Damn girl. You can't catch a break. However I know you know it only takes one. But who wants to hear that shit when tens of thousands of dollars are being spent. But it is true. I pray for you often. I hope it all ends up ok. Big hugs. Hang in there.

Aramis said...

Oh no...it's just awful when something that you've been prepping and waiting for for so long ends up starting out so disappointingly. Believe me, I know! I'm so sorry that this cycle is starting out like this...I wish this kind of stuff didn't have to happen to any of us. You deserve better. Hugs, my friend.

Sarah said...

Oh :( I am sorry to hear things did not go great! But please don't give up yet. See what CCRM says and go from there. I know it's hard to stay positive when things pop up like this, but keep the faith friend :) Will say a prayer for you! And I hope Hubby feels better!

JJ said...

So frustrating! I hope you get some answers soon.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jessah,

First, don't let your antral follicle count get you down. Remember you just took 10 days of estrogen and 3 days of ganirelix or cetrotide. These drugs are very suppressive. So, any follicles you have may be too small to see at this point, because they are not allowed to grow. I'm a CCRM patient too. I remember my first IVF and I only had 2 antral follicles in the right ovary. My left ovary looked dead and small. The doctor couldn't even pretend there was a follicle in there. I was devastated. I almost canceled the cycle. Then I went in on Day 4 of stims and my left ovary that had no follicles came alive. I suddenly had 6 follicles growing on the left ovary. My right ovary which had 2 antral follicles did grow those two to maturity. I ended up with 8 eggs retrieved. Guess what? This is the cycle I got my one normal embryo via CCS testing. So don't give up yet. It will get better, I promise! Linda

Amber said...

Ugh, I'm so sorry you don't have better news! I know exactly what it feels like with DOR and not getting the follicles. I have found that there are usually a few hidden follicles that do jump in later, so it may not have just been a bone she was throwing you. Sending you lots and lots of hugs!!!

Marcy said...

Hugs. Sending you peace as you find out what happens next.

Amanda said...

Ughhhh! Jessah, this just plain sucks! I'm so sorry! Hoping that the doctors have provided some insight in your direction forward and that you can feel confident in the decision!!! Hugs!

Mrs B. said...

I'm so sorry it didn't go well today. I think Linda has explained it so well... I really hope it gets better and you can proceed. And you are spot on, what will be will be. Sending some positive energy your way.

Sadie said...

Oh Jessah, I am so sorry that this cycle isn't shaping up to be what you'd hoped. I think there is such a buildup to IVF that it's hard not to put stock in every little development - I feel that too right now. I'm really hoping that the call from your clinic was full of encouraging news after all, and for now am sending you strenght and hope.

Cristy said...

I know this disappointment and I know how tempting it is to beat yourself up, thinking your crazy for even trying. I won't torture you with the "have hope!" or "don't give up!" platitudes. What I will say is now is the time to be good to yourself and remind yourself that you are doing everything in your power to get that BFP. And that is worth so much because so few would have the courage to face something so difficult and yet continue pushing forward.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, hoping that this disappointing news at the beginning is the only bit you face from here on out.

JoJo said...

I'm sorry u had a disappointing appt. I am praying that things work themselves out and u can continue with ur cycle. If not then a bit of waiting for a better outcome is always worth the game. Keeping u in my prayers, Jessah.

Emily said...

I agree on the AFC Jessah. Try not to get to down on that. Obviously CCRM knows what they're doing, but I am not quite sure why many clinics even do those counts. Practically every single woman I've followed in their IVF journey has produced more follies than that initial count. It definitely isn't the limit to how many you'll produce. You should stay hopeful on that front for sure!

Anonymous said...

Similar thing just happened to me, only two follicles. One appeared ready, the other half its size. This is my 2nd "cancelled" IVF cycle. Doc. changed this one to timed intercourse, so I'm in the two-week-wait phase. Praying for you and me! It only takes ONE!

Regine Karpel said...

Good Luck and God Bless!
www.rsrue.blogspot.com

Em said...

Oh Jessah! I'm so sorry about all of this. Can't imagine how disappointed you must feel. Praying that things turn around for this cycle and that your hope is soon restored.

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