Friday, August 23, 2013

happiness comes... mail.
Lately, I've been so excited to come home and check my mailbox. 

There have been some fun mail exchanges on Instagram that my friend Chelsea organized. I've been participating in those so it's nice to come home to a sweet, uplifting card or gift from a fellow Instagrammer. 

But nothing lifted my spirits as much as a lovely, thoughtful care package that I received from my blog friend Laura at Laurel Lane. She is beautiful, talented, creative and so amazingly sweet. 
Her gift included: a gemstone hair clip to brighten things up, chap stick for kissable lips, bath salts, candle and a book for ultimate relaxation and distraction. 
I mean, seriously, how sweet is she. Thank you, Laura....from the bottom of my heart. If you looking for more blog friends, she's one you want to stop by and say hello!

On the IVF front, nothing is happening. It feels like it has been the longest cycle ever. I should ovulate in 5 days, start estrace 5 days later and stims 6 days after that. So I'm getting very close to finally seeing some action.

In the meantime, I've just been staying extremely busy with work, doing my weekly acupuncture, taking my poor responder supplements (21 pills per day), drinking my green shakes and trying to get as much exercise as I can.

I never thought I'd say this but....bring on the shots. 
I'm ready to get this show on the road.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

ever wish you had your own personal shopper....

now you can.

Stitch Fix is an amazing new addiction that I have. When I need a little pick-me-up, I just sign up for a fix. It is the perfect solution for people like me who love clothes but gets overwhelmed matching things together. You fill out a detailed profile about your style, your likes and dislikes. You get assigned a personal shopper who picks items specifically for you...and delivers your new frocks to your front door!

Each item of clothing has a colorful tag that shows you two different ways to style the piece which is great for the fashion challenged. Here are some of the items that came in my fixes.

Wondering how it works...

It's only $20 and whatever you pick or if you pick it all - the fee is applied to your shopping total. If you pick nothing then the $20 rolls over to your next fix. The box comes with a prepaid USPS envelope that you fill with the pieces you don't want. You can drop it at the post office. It's seriously the best thing EVER!

Take a peak and get your fix here. You're going to LOVE it!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

things are not always what they seem.

Why does a gorgeous girl who appears to have everything take her own life? It is the question I've been asking myself all day.

Watching The Bachelor is a guilty pleasure that my husband and I share. We watch it religiously every season despite A's declarations after every frustrating episode that he's not watching it anymore. It is a show filled with beautiful people - some who seem to have everything together and others...well, not so much. 

The train wrecks are certainly entertaining. But we also watch it for the potential of true love. To root for our favorite cast member and hope to see their love story unfold.

One of the most beautiful people to appear on Bachelor and Bachelor Pad in 2010 was Gia Allemand. She was one of our favorites from the beginning with her sweet demeanor. Like the rest of America, A and I watched as she got her heart broke by Jake Pavelka. The fact that Jake chose the dramatic Vienna over our lovely Gia was flabbergasting. Then we thought she might've found love with Wes Hayden on Bachelor Pad.

That didn't work out.

But Gia did find love off-screen with a boy named Ryan Anderson. Ryan, a pro basketball player for the New Orleans Pelicans, and Gia have been dating for a few years. They seemed so happy. Gia was over-the-moon about him and thought he was the one.

Ryan is from my hometown. His sister Rachel does my make up and we've chatted about what a cute couple Ryan and Gia make. In fact, Gia and I exchanged these tweets just last year when I ran into Ryan at a restaurant near my home.

Yesterday, I heard that Gia was in the hospital in critical condition. I've been thinking about her and saying prayers for her and her loved ones for the last 24 hours. Assuming that she'd been involved in some horrific accident, her condition reminded me how short life could be for any of us.

I didn't know she'd attempted suicide. 
Now that I know, I can't stop asking myself...why.

At 29 years old, she was in the prime of her life.
Ridiculously gorgeous. Former model. Actress.
An amazing boyfriend and a family who loves her.
No money problems that I'm aware of.

From the outside looking in, she had everything.

So why? 
How does life get so bad that you're willing to end it?
I can't even comprehend the level of pain, angst and depression that she must've been feeling on Monday to decide that hanging herself was a better option than living.

It is a reminder that things aren't always what they appear to be. I know nothing more about Gia's life than what she (herself) put out there on Twitter and Instagram. Maybe a little more through my connection with her boyfriend's sister. But she seemed vivacious, happy and living a full life...that anyone would be happy to have. 

I don't know why she took her own life. The people closest to her may not even know.
But I want to say a prayer right now for all of the people suffering in their own private hell. And the loved ones left behind when someone decides their life has become...unlivable. 
RIP Gia.

Friday, August 9, 2013

nothing or everything.

today is day one of my estrogen priming IVF cycle.
although i've been waiting anxiously for this day to arrive for a very long time, i don't feel ready. i want to say...just kidding. pull the plug. not go through with it. game over.

but i know i can't. 
i want to postpone the cycle because i'm so stressed right now. not sleeping. not getting enough exercise. not doing all of the things that i know are so very important for a successful outcome. but at the end of the day, this is my life. i don't think things will be any different next month in terms of how busy i am. and i can't keep losing valuable time.

eventually, i've got to let go of the ledge and just jump. some days it feels like i might as well take all of our savings and throw it in the trash bin. with all of this stress....IVF isn't going to work anyways.

or maybe i should get a graduate degree. or go on the vacation of a lifetime. invest in something. use my hard-earned money more wisely. anything besides taking a wild gamble that has the potential to break my heart. 

but i'm going to take a blind leap of faith. i'm letting go. i'm choosing to believe that if being a mother is in my future and IVF is my path...then i will get pregnant whether i'm stressed or not. what other choice do i have?

today, i picked up a few prescriptions on my way home from a client meeting. the clinic called - so i answered the phone while i was juggling pharmacy bags. when i got home, i was in a panic because i couldn't find one of the meds. i thought i dropped it in the store when the clinic called. 

i hopped in my car to head back to the store. my mind was so distracted that i backed straight into a huge shrub (narrowly missing the tree) and got stuck. {in my defense, i have an extremely steep, curved driveway that is not easy to navigate backwards} the side of my car is scraped up. hubby was in the garage and witnessed the whole thing. he proceeded to give me a stern scolding about paying attention and relaxing. not what i needed to hear....especially in such a harsh tone.

needless to say, after searching the parking lot and entire store, being told it is going to cost $180 to replace the drug and returning home empty-handed and defeated...hubby discovered it was in the bag the whole time. 

that is so my life lately. 

but, i'm moving forward anyways.
so here goes nothing. or everything. depends on how you look at it.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

where my heart resides

Pismo Beach is a magical place for A and I.
Someday we hope to buy property and retire there.

I went to college near there.
We got married on that beach.
Celebrated our 1st anniversary.
Ran my first half marathon.
It will always hold a special place in our hearts.

And...that is where I wish I was today.
view from our balcony at the Shore Cliffs Lodge

my morning visitor on our hotel balcony
Here are some no filter pictures so you can get a sense of the true beauty of this place. 

Where is your special place?

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