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Friday, May 17, 2013

regret management


Thanks to my friend, Alicia's sage advice...I've adopted a new infertility mantra.

Follow the path of least regrets.

Unfortunately, none of us have a crystal ball which means it's impossible to know which decision is the right decision until you know the outcome. That being said....it's all about regret management. What decision will I regret the least when this IVF cycle is over.

That being said, we've decided to jump ship.
I need to have 100% confidence that I'm getting the best treatment possible. CCRM is one of the best (if not the best) clinics in the country. No one has refuted that...not even my own local doctor. With this IVF attempt, I believe I will have little baby embryos to consider. They should be handled with care by the best embryologist and stored in a world-class lab. 

Having made the decision to charge forward with the more expensive yet more esteemed clinic, I feel a sense of renewed hope. As I mentioned, I love my local clinic but all of the changes to my protocol after my consult at CCRM caused me to lose some confidence. This process is difficult enough without more doubts and uncertainties creeping up. At the end of the day, I have a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that if I stay where I am...I'm not truly giving myself the very best chance of success.

Even though having the doctors disagreeing about drugs, testing and protocols was stressful, I'm glad that I am playing an active role in this IVF attempt. I'm advocating for my health which is not an easy thing to do. Last time, I trusted 100%. I didn't try to learn the in and outs of IVF, testing and protocols. I figured...I'm not the doctor and they do this all the time. What do I know? 

But in hindsight, the squeaky wheel always gets the grease. The one who speaks up, questions, seeks answers - gets the most attention and best care. I believe that now. And I don't think I'll ever go back to being passive when it comes to my health. 

Many of you have asked why we're only doing IVF once. A would be fine with discontinuing fertility treatments now and living without children. He truly wants to leave infertility behind. To move onto the next chapter of our lives. But he knows that I want to do IVF. So our compromise is that we will only do one full IVF cycle and FETs until our frozen embryos (if we are lucky enough to have any) are gone. We both agreed to this.

So A and I are off to Denver in 2-3 weeks for our one day workup (ODWU). The ODWU is a 7-hour visit to CCRM which includes orientation, intro to our new nurse coordinator, semen testing, ultrasound, IVF consult, hysteroscopy, financial coordination meeting and other labs and tests. Some moments, switching clinics feels daunting. Others, I feel excited. Excited because of the new hope that creeps up. Hope that this trip might bring us closer than we've ever been to bringing home our baby.


43 comments:

Just T said...

Sounds like you put so much thought and research before making your decision.
Wishing you the absolute best outcome!

Lindsey Gage said...

That must feel so good to have the decision made! I will be thinking of you. If you need recommendations of places to stay while in Denver, let me know!

Well-intentioned said...

I'm excited for you! I can only imagine how difficult of a decision that was to make but I'm so glad that you have some comfort now that its made. I'm with you on the "one (IVF) and done" approach. My HB and I made the same agreement.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I'm so glad that you are looking forward to your new journey with CCRM. I wish you the best of luck and will be following you and cheering you on!

Katie H. said...

Hello Jessah =) I have been following your blog for awhile now and I could help but ask: have you tried the Natural Family Planning method? I know so many couples who have had trouble conceiving use this method and have it work...

I know you have probably tried absolutely everything...but I just wanted to share this...just in case =) More info can be found here:

http://americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/fertilityawarenessNFP.html

Hugs and Prayers!

Gypsy Mama said...

I am glad you feel at peace with your decision. I know how hard all of this decision making during IVF can be, and I'm glad you are able to move forward and be excited about your next steps. If I only had one shot at IVF I'd want it to be at the best clinic available to me.

Sending you TONS of good vibes :)

JenS said...

Congrats on making a decision and for being able to advocate for yourself. I did a lot of regret management in my IVF cycles. It's important for moving on to know that you did everything you could. So hoping this works for you and you don't have to worry about any of that. I'm excited for you to get started with this.

Megan Brink said...

My heart feels so happy to read this. This road is definitely not easy, but walking towards the next step with hope and a plan makes it hurt so much less. I think CCRM is definitely the way to go, and I'm glad you are going that route. I would drop my clinic in a heartbeat to go there!

Always praying and sending love and positivity your way, Jessah. Xox

M

Kristin said...

You are absolutely right in doing what you feel is best for you! You don't want the "what ifs" down the road! Good luck!

Laura said...

Yay for making a decision. I think I heard a tiny little sigh of relief in this post.

Lisamarie said...

Hey lady! I'm excited that you are at peace with your new decision. I like your 'path of least regrets' plan. I think that should be applied to my entire life! I fret all the time about not using my time to the fullest potential and enjoyment. (That might not be relevant, but hey, its Friday, so anything goes...) Anyhow.. since you are only doing IVF once, go big or go home. That's nice of your hubs to make that compromise. Before I was married, my hubs and I had several talks about what we would do if we couldn't have kids on our own. (This is somewhat relevent to us since my sister has gone through multiple IVF treatments.) I don't think we would do fertility treatments because they cost too much and my hubs is adamant about never adopting. So there you have it. I have always keep you in my prayers since we first connected through blogs. I think you are such an amazing girl and I know can enjoy your life to the fullest come what may. =)

Impatiently Waiting said...

I am so glad that you made a decision that you are happy with! I wish you the best. I believe only great things are in your future!

kharini said...

Good choice.

Darcy Kristy said...

Jessah, I'm very happy to see that you've made a decision. And, that you're working towards regret management. I think you're making the right decision. I agree, as usual, with everything you say in this post. :)
Also, as far as doing "only" one IVF, we were the SAME.EXACT.WAY. Jake was ready to be done with it. I was on the fence. We decided to do the IVF nurse consult and then make a decision. Our agreement was one fresh IVF and then any FET's that would result from that cycle.
I hope you all the best as you move forward with CCRM. I think you will find peace, confidence, and contentment with this decision.

Ashley said...

Oh I wish you soo much luck!!! I'm sure you have made the best decision!!!

Aspgriswold said...

Wishing you so much on this next step in your journey!!

Amy said...

I am so happy you made this decision- it's the right one and I am SO excited for you guys. You are giving it your best shot and I pray it will be a huge success. Well done, I know it wasn't easy. Amy x

Sarah J said...

Hope this does bring you closer or straight to your dreams coming true!

Dream Chase said...

Good luck to you guys!

Sarah said...

I am so dang excited for you. I think you made a wonderful decision :)

Aubrey said...

Congratulations on choosing to go with CCRM! Your ODWU will be long and tiring, but I truly believe it will be worth it for you (and hopefully for me, too!) in the end!

Suzanne said...

I could not agree with you more. You are making the right decision. Can't wait to hear how the ODWU goes!

Charity said...

I am glad to hear this I have been praying for you to have discernment on where The Lord was leading you. I cannot wait to hear more about your journey at ccrm. I know you and A's IF chapter will be coming to a close with good news! I have faith.

Shelley said...

Congratulations! You must be so happy to have made a decision. And you can't go wrong with CCRM.

Endo_Life said...

If it had been me I would have made the same decsion you have. Me and J did indeed have the same decision to make and we chose to switch clinics. It was the best decision we ever made and I am now 18 weeks. I really truly hope you get the outcome you want and deserve. I will be thinking and you and look forward to updates on how things are progressing.

Anonymous said...

You won't regret it. You made the right choice! It's the best decision I ever made!

JoJo said...

I am glad you are listening to your heart and gut feeling. If you dont feel that 100% confidence then its best to seek elsewhere. As far as feeling the excitement but emotionally scared moving to a different clinic...I've been through it and the outcome was wonderful. No regrets!

Anonymous said...

Good for you! I think you made a wise choice. I'll be praying for you! And can't wait to read the good news and follow your journey. Best of luck, we're all rooting for you!

Mrs B. said...

I think this is the right choice. Once your clinic admits how great CCRM are it's time.
It might feel like the process is stretching out even more but it's for a good reason. No regrets!

Team Harries said...

Awesome!!! Excited to hear how the consultation goes!

alesha said...

Excited for you! I don't think you will regret this at all :)

Em said...

Good call. Following the path of least regrets seems like an excellent motto.

Abiding with you in this and praying for you often (and know that I really am praying, I'm not just saying that).

(-:

Cristy said...

I think you guys made the best decision for you. And I'm glad you are taking this chance. Keeping you in my thoughts during this time and hoping for a smooth first meeting at CCRM!

Laura said...

I truly believe that you made a great decision. Especially if you are only wanting to do one cycle, I think this is the best investment! Go big or go home, right? I will be sending positive thoughts your way, I know you will just love CCRM!!

Alicia said...

Good luck Jessah! I'm so happy for you guys!

Alissa at Miss C gave me this advice last year when I was on the fence about all of my decisions. It was honestly the best advice that I received as part of my journey.

Thinking of you and hoping for nothing but the happiest outcome for you guys!!!!

LWLH said...

Glad you are feeling clear and comfortable with your decision. Wishing you the best of luck love.

Sarah said...

So glad for you guys that you made this decision. I think you made a great choice and I will say so many prayers for you!

Leigh Ann Ordan said...

So happy for you both for making the decision! =) Stay positive!

Emily said...

Awesome news, and I'm so excited for you! I love the way you put that choice into perspective considering what you will or will not regret. That's a good little jedi mind trick to help the decision making process. I can tell from your post that you are truly at peace with the decision to move forward with CCRM, especially if you are giving it one shot. You will never have the regret that you didn't go to the very best place you could find. Good for you! And yes, I agree that more involved self advocacy does bring about more attention and better care for the patient!

Whitney B. said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

Anonymous said...

I am an infertility veteran and after three cycles with two local clinics switched to CCRM. My experience with them was nothing short of astounding, the difference is unbelievable. Their ability to stimulate patients and grow embryos is the best. Good luck to you!

MrsDevilGuy said...

Best of luck to you!

At times I often wonder if we should've given IVF one more shot.

Amber said...

Hubby and I started down the path of fertility treatments so that we won't be able to look back when we are in our late 40's/50's with regrets. We want to know that we did everything we could for a baby. If it doesn't happen, then so be it. We will be disappointed, but won't have the regrets of not even trying. I'm so glad you are following your heat and that A is on board with it. I wish you the absolute best of luck!

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