Thanks to my friend, Alicia's sage advice...I've adopted a new infertility mantra.
Follow the path of least regrets.
Unfortunately, none of us have a crystal ball which means it's impossible to know which decision is the right decision until you know the outcome. That being said....it's all about regret management. What decision will I regret the least when this IVF cycle is over.
That being said, we've decided to jump ship.
I need to have 100% confidence that I'm getting the best treatment possible. CCRM is one of the best (if not the best) clinics in the country. No one has refuted that...not even my own local doctor. With this IVF attempt, I believe I will have little baby embryos to consider. They should be handled with care by the best embryologist and stored in a world-class lab.
Having made the decision to charge forward with the more expensive yet more esteemed clinic, I feel a sense of renewed hope. As I mentioned, I love my local clinic but all of the changes to my protocol after my consult at CCRM caused me to lose some confidence. This process is difficult enough without more doubts and uncertainties creeping up. At the end of the day, I have a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that if I stay where I am...I'm not truly giving myself the very best chance of success.
Even though having the doctors disagreeing about drugs, testing and protocols was stressful, I'm glad that I am playing an active role in this IVF attempt. I'm advocating for my health which is not an easy thing to do. Last time, I trusted 100%. I didn't try to learn the in and outs of IVF, testing and protocols. I figured...I'm not the doctor and they do this all the time. What do I know?
But in hindsight, the squeaky wheel always gets the grease. The one who speaks up, questions, seeks answers - gets the most attention and best care. I believe that now. And I don't think I'll ever go back to being passive when it comes to my health.
Many of you have asked why we're only doing IVF once. A would be fine with discontinuing fertility treatments now and living without children. He truly wants to leave infertility behind. To move onto the next chapter of our lives. But he knows that I want to do IVF. So our compromise is that we will only do one full IVF cycle and FETs until our frozen embryos (if we are lucky enough to have any) are gone. We both agreed to this.
So A and I are off to Denver in 2-3 weeks for our one day workup (ODWU). The ODWU is a 7-hour visit to CCRM which includes orientation, intro to our new nurse coordinator, semen testing, ultrasound, IVF consult, hysteroscopy, financial coordination meeting and other labs and tests. Some moments, switching clinics feels daunting. Others, I feel excited. Excited because of the new hope that creeps up. Hope that this trip might bring us closer than we've ever been to bringing home our baby.