I'm having one of those days where whatever I do...it feels like it's not enough.
That nagging sense that I don't do enough or that I'm not enough.
It is so exhausting.
I feel disconnected from God and my spiritual life. Who's fault is that?
Mine. I haven't been going to church lately and I haven't been praying religiously.
I feel like a bad friend.
I've been flaking on social engagements because I haven't felt like myself. I've become my husband. LOL. And if you're one of my real life friends, you'll laugh at that. I don't want to be social which is so not like me. I want to hide out. Lay low. Bask in the quiet of a hike with my dog or losing myself in a book. I never get enough me time. Time where I don't have to think or be "on"... I can just be quiet.
I can't keep up with blog reading, writing or commenting. I'm gaining weight because I haven't been exercising enough nor have I been eating healthy. But where is the time? I want to be fantastic at my job...so I live it and breathe it everyday. But I'm lacking the proper balance. But please someone tell me how to fit it all in.
How do you work more than full-time, blog like a rockstar, keep up an exercise regimen, cook and eat clean, healthy and vegan (which is pretty much what it takes to keep my endo under wraps), pray, volunteer, attend church, feed your spiritual self via fertility yoga and meditation, juggle doctor and acupuncture appointments (and now travel schedules to Denver), keep up a house, maintain friendships, prioritize family and connect with your spouse?
I'm exhausted just thinking about it. My personal and professional to-do lists are never empty. I've accepted that but I never stop spinning my wheels like a hamster in a cage to check things off the list. I always wonder if I fail to get pregnant because God knows I have zero bandwidth for a child.
Sigh. The vegan chocolate cupcake I'm eating and organic, no sulfite red wine I'm drinking are helping to improve my somber mood. Yes, those are my misguided attempts at being healthy. But honestly, am I crazy? Am I the only one who suffers from the "no matter what I do, it's never enough" syndrome?
Now opening up to comments, suggestions, techniques, strategies, solutions, insights that y'all use to manage busy, crazy lives. Or is it just me...I know I'm a perfectionist, type-A person. It could just be me.