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Friday, February 22, 2013

10 things I never knew before infertility

There is a lot I didn't know before experiencing infertility. But here are a few of the most memorable things that come to mind.
  1. I never knew sex could not be fun.
  2. I never knew that egg white like mucous is actually a signal you should celebrate.
  3. I never knew how hard it could be for some unlucky people to become parents. 
  4. I never knew that some people actually experience heartbreak when seeing pregnant women on the street.
  5. I never knew that over 150,000 assisted reproductive technology (ART) cycles are performed each year in the US, resulting in almost 50,000 babies. {Makes me feel a little less alone}
  6. I never knew that the physical pain I feel every month around ovulation and my period is not normal. {Thanks endo!}
  7. I never knew that there was an amazing network of women in the blogging community that support each other and show such tremendous understanding and compassion for one another.
  8. I never knew how much I'd be willing to put myself and marriage through to try to conceive a baby.
  9. I never knew how much stregnth would result from this struggle.
  10. I never knew that over time...my faith would grow, my heart would heal and I could say out loud and mean it....I'm gonna be happy no matter how this chapter of my life ends. 

What have you learned from this journey?


49 comments:

Rachel Marie said...

Thank you for sharing this tonight of all nights. I am late on my period and have those little flutters of hope in the back of my head that it might be it ... that will most likely result in either a period or a big fat "NO" on a pee stick THEN of course a period a day later. I dont' share my struggles or processes of what is to come because unfortunately my blog has some very immature followers -or as I call them these days stalkarazzi- and if they ever said ONE bad word about me (you know another woman having a hard time conceiving) I may end up in jail -- you just DONT cross that line if you're a woman bashing someone. I'm glad you are ready to let what ever is suppose to happen just happen. I hope to get to that point as well :( Again, thanks for sharing!! I did really need this tonight. totally_rachel

Kerri Andersen said...

i so admire your strength. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this trial.

lo @ crazy ever after said...

That last one was a bold statement, sister. But I'm so happy you've gotten there. I'm not quite to that place yet. Here's hoping. And I concur on the support from the blogging community. It is amazing.

Amanda said...

I too never realized how difficult it would be to see pregnant bellies. Over the past few weeks I've seen and heard about 5-6 pregnancies on blogs I follow and such... I feel like every time I turn around someone else is pregnant, but never me :(
I feel your pain girl.

Elana said...

Oh gosh, I have definitely learned a lot of the same things you have. One thing I did learn, though, was you will always think of yourself as infertile after going through it even once you start getting pregnant naturally like a fertile would. Your mindset never changes.

Happy ICLW!

Impatiently Waiting said...

Love this post! I have learned that it is okay to give up one minute and then proceed the next.

Sarah said...

Love this post :)

Shelley said...

Amen to that! I think you hit the nail on the head.

Gypsy Mama said...

Wonderful post. I can totally relate to so much of what you said. Thanks for sharing :)

April March said...

I never knew how alone and isolated I would feel.
I never knew that I would ever in a million years cry when reading baby announcements on Facebook.
I never knew that my sex life would change so much.
I never knew that months would turn into cycles and days would turn into cycle days.

Shelby said...

Here from ICLW and I love, love, love this list. Especially #7. Believe it or not, I met one of my closest IF buddies via blog (from my area-which, I'm guessing by your posts is not far from you) almost 5 years ago. I'm not sure what I would have done without them. I've been reading your posts and I wish you so much luck as you move forward. You've weathered all of this with much grace and great distractions! Best of luck to you. This is a hard journey.

Aubrey said...

I'm praying that I will learn your #10 soon. xo

Darcy said...

First off hugs!
This spoke to me. Thanks for this post. Some of mine are a tad different because I'm experiencing secondary infertility, as you know.
..I neverknew secondary infertilty existed. I naively thought since I got pregnant so easy with my little blessing, that it would be like that again.
...I never knew that an only child can be the result of failure to conceive again, and not always by choice.
....I, too, never knew how much heartache a pregnant belly could bring
....I never knee you could freeze an embie for further use
.....I never knew about mullerian anomalies such as unicornuate uterus
...., I never knee how high miscarriage rates were. I naively thought once you get a good beta you're good to go
....most importantly, I had no idea what a miracle, blessing, and work of God as well as mother nature my daughter is..... any any child for that matter

Perfectly Jenn said...

So here's what I didn't realize, honestly I spent almost 10 years on birth control and preventing pregnancy only to find the love of my life, be married over a year and not be able to get pregnant. I know we are in the early stages but its still frustrating

Nicole Marie said...

lots of hugs and thoughts for you

Laura said...

Great list, Jessah!

I really relate to the heartbreak of seeing pregnant women around too, that is one thing that gets to me easily. The biggest change for me is how much more compassionate I have become because of all of this. I can't help but feel like I am a better wife, sibling, daughter, friend, and just overall better person because of my experiences.

Hope you have a great weekend :)

Amber said...

#5 makes me sad a little. That means more than 100,000 are NOT successful. Arg! This is a great list though, that covers so many of the things we discover as infertiles.

Catherine said...

I am so happy to have found your blog today, it's a reminder of how good God is. I have learned so much through this journey, too. You're 100% correct about each of the things listed. I look forward to reading more about your struggle! Newest follower!

Dream Chase said...

Your post brought tears my eyes. I can so relate.

I never knew that the sight of babies and children could crush me from the inside out.

I never knew that "when" would become "if".

I never knew that I might honestly never conceive

I never knew that people wouldn't understand and that the world moves forward while I am stuck unable to continue on.

*hugs*

Emily said...

I have learned who my true friends are. The character of those around me have been revealed in how they've either supported or chosen not to step up and support us in the uncomfortable and uncertain situations. I've also learned a lot about my own character and have watched it change. I've gained compassion.

OLLIE MCKAY'S ~ A Chic Boutique said...

Wow ~ such a beautiful, wonderful and heart-tugging post! Thanks for sharing.

Lori said...

Hi Jessah,
I love your list of infertility facts...just remember your baby is waiting for you, somehow, some way...
ICLW.

LWLH said...

I just want to wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug.

shay said...

This was great, and all so true! Mine would be "I never knew how hard it would be to keep a positive attitude through this process" and "I never knew how hard it is to hear 'don't be stressed out' because in reality how can you NOT stress out?"

I'm so glad you're in a place of acceptance. It's a daily struggle, but I'm trying to get to that point.

Whitney B. said...

Love this post, thank you for sharing! I have learned so much as well, an inner strength that only could result from something like this. Some days I am more bitter than others, but all in all I have learned to appreciate family so much more! We have all including my parents and in laws become so much closer because of this struggle.

rhon said...

Thank you for sharing this. I am learning all of these things as well. Except PCOS instead of endo.

Andrea {blonde ambitions} said...

I'm so glad I found your blog. We have been TTC for 6 years now and have gone through IUI and 3 IVF cycles only now to be at peace with not having biological children and moving towards adoption. It has not been an easy decision and there are still angry days. I don't think those will ever go away. I completely agree with your each item on your list! Looking forward to getting to know you better!

Andrea

Vicki said...

I only just found your blog through the Tiffany giveaway ... but I am so glad I did ... I am diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure, so I have known since I was a teen that I will never be able to conceive a child naturally. It's hard. Really hard, and people just don't get it ... As I get older I feel my biological clock ticking and with every new baby bump I see around me my heart breaks a little bit more. But, I do have faith that everything will happen when it is supposed to ... this ended up being such a long comment, when basically all I wanted to say was thank you for sharing, being so real, and that although we have different conditions, I 100% feel your pain!

Amanda said...

Hi Jessah,

Your blog was recommended to me by one of my readers, I'm battling infertility right now too. I just wanted to say hi, and that while I hate that there's a common sisterhood of want-to-be mommies, I'm so thankful for that common sisterhood. I look forward to following your story.

Karli said...

I've only read a little bit about your struggle but I wanted to mention something that I have heard really wonderful things about. It's called Bona Dea. It's a natural raspberry root supplement that is supposed to really boost uterine health and help women who suffer with infertility. I know this sounds like a sales pitch but I don't work for the company and honestly I don't even know that much about it... I only know of a few friends that claim it is what helped them finally get pregnant. Just thought it might be worth a mention. Best of luck in your journey!

Mrs. Snell said...

I have been trying for over 3 years and have learned to not give up hope and to not let it ruin my marriage. It is trying indeed, especially when everyone (EVERYONE!) is pregnant, posting pictures of ultrasounds, babies, bellies on facebook, but remembering to be thankful for what I HAVE. I have an amazing husband. I am unwaveringly happy in my marriage- I laugh with my husband every day- I am trying to enjoy our non parent times- the spur of the moment trips and the silly drunk in the kitchen, dancing to burno mars nights. And I hope for a baby in my belly soon... but if it doesnt happen, I will love the babies I have in my life- all of our neices and nephews and my sweet god daughter. I will be okay because I have the man of my dreams at my side.

Amanda Davis said...

I don't know if I have made it to the strength and determination to be happy no matter what yet... Going on 6 years TTC. Thanks for sharing.

ladymobes said...

#10 is my favorite. After 4 years of TTC, my husband and I looked at each other and said "Whatever happens, we are enough."

Infertile Private Parts said...

I never knew that there was such a strong supportive community of women until I began to speak out.

Love the post! ❤

A Morning Grouch said...

I've learned not to take my baby for granted (tried conceiving for 3 1/2 years before it finally happened). I've learned to never ask, "are you going to have kids?" and never, ever ever to complain about pregnancy. And absolutely the pain about seeing a pregnant woman in the street - so hard!!

Beth said...

I've been through the wringer over the past seven years with infertility. After years of failure, I'm finally coming to that point where I'm now holding out hope that I can be happy without having my dreams of mother hood come true. It's a struggle, even on the good days but I'm so much better than I was just a couple years ago. I do wish there were more stories posted out there where someone struggled with infertility and got a happy ending that didn't include finally getting pregnant. I think a lot of people would be comforted if they knew that was possible- To not get the baby but still be happy with your life.

Anonymous said...

To all woman that can not look at a swollen Belly - I have travelled this journey for 11 years , so I truly know what you are going through. Hold on to HOPE with all you have. Wishing you all a Dream come True. Wonderful post!

Anonymous said...

This is so true, thank you for sharing.

Laura Wars said...

I just came across this on Pinterest. Such a blessed to read. I agree with nearly all you wrote above.

Anonymous said...

My husband & I went through 8 years of trying. So much of what you posted I can remember experiencing. With several years of trying and help from the Endocrinology dept at (then) Bethesda Naval Hosp, we were finally able to conceive in '96. I wish I could tell you it will be alright and that it will work out, but I know these words feel empty to hear. My "Dream" is now off to college and I feel it like a huge whole in our house & my heart all over again. You have my most sincere best wishes!!! Thanks for posting-saw this on Pinterest.

Nicole Sharp said...

I can relate...I always thought pregnant women made everyone smile...until now, when it's hard not to cry sometimes when you see that baby bump. Thanks for helping me know I am not alone!

Jenna Soto said...

Thank you. I am #4 and find if shameful and no one understands why I feel this way.

Anonymous said...

I never knew that something I thought it was so easy, having unprotected sex and getting pregnant, can be really this difficult.
I never knew that women below 30 years old may have problems to get pregnant even having a really very healthy lifestyle.
I never knew how the question "when are you going to have a baby?" can be private and so painful.
I never imagined how when someone says "relax, it will come when you stop stressing and worrying" can make me so angry!
I never knew that watching pregnant women in the streets, news and wherever can make me so sad.
I never knew that sometimes a couple that have kids when they are "old" is maybe because they wanted since long time ago, but it took long for them to get pregnant (I thought old people always postpone it, but some people want earlier but they have problems).
I never knew there was something called "second infertility".

Anonymous said...

Oh man...#2 for sure. My counselor recommended a book to me when I was going through infertility called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." It's not strictly for infertility but rather about taking control of your reproductive years by truly understanding your body. I was shocked to discover just how ignorant I was about many things, including #2. Looking back I can say with certainty that I actively avoided sex on what were probably some of my absolute most fertile days because I didn't understand the signs of fertility and thought I had something funky going on. I missed many signs, but that was a huge one. The book made me so angry because I feel like there is so much shame around the female body that many of us have no idea what's really going on in there.

Anonymous said...

I never knew thoughts of babies could consume my every waking thought!!

Anonymous said...

I never knew that even after adopting our perfect infant son almost one year ago, 6 years of struggling with infertility would still haunt me each and every time someone announces they are pregnant. And even now that I'm a "mom," I still feel like an imposter because I didn't become one through biological means.

Jay Jayroe (Adopted&Proud ) said...

I was reading your post because the woman I think I'm may be falling in love with also struggles with infertility.And I just wanted to let you know;being an adopted child myself that you are most definitely no impostor you my dear are a HERO!!U have givin your son something he may never of had otherwise also the greatest gift in the world you have givin' him a FAMILY!!So this goes out to U and all adoptive mothers from all the adopted children we thank you,we love you,our 1 and only very special MOM!

Stephanie Mitchell said...

Thank you for this little comment, it really helped me right now!

Stephanie Mitchell said...

As I'm reading these lovely comments I'm realizing how big this community is and that I'm not alone. Going back and forth between the thoughts of -I just want to conceieve, and -well fine, we'll just be happily married and childless, and -trust God's timing, and -maybe I'm sabotaging my body. *sigh* everyone around me watching their little ones have birthdays and we snuggle with our Dogs. And all the questions and advice from perfect strangers. This whole long situation is frustrating and just keeps growing : ( So glad I can vent here with women who understand!

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