nav

Saturday, January 5, 2013

cleared for take off


Yesterday, I had my baseline ultrasound and estradiol blood test. Dr. M gave us the thumbs up to start stims today. I'm in such a good place emotionally.  I can actually say... I'm excited. Who knows how I'll feel later this week when the three shots a day make me feel like a human pincushion and my ovaries blow up to the size of small water balloons. But for now, I feel good.
  
 In the past, I've looked at this whole IVF process through such a negative filter. I'd think about how much it sucks that most people get to have pleasurable sex and spend the price of a cheap bottle of wine...and the result - a baby. While I have to stick myself daily with three different needles, pumping my body full of hormones, undergo surgery and spend nearly $20,000 for a mere 30-50% chance that we might end up with a baby in the end.
  
And don't get me started on all the of people who have babies that don't want or can't take care of them. How I waited until I met the right person so my baby didn't end up fatherless. I went to college and built a solid career so that I could provide everything my child could ever need. And when all of that was in place, the perfect scenario for parenthood, too late because a baby might not be possible.

This is the stuff that I used to think about which made me feel depressed, sad and cheated. Those were my darkest days of infertility. More recently, I've let my fear that IVF won't work keep me from embracing this process. And it might not work. And that will be devastating. But I refuse to let my fear overshadow the very exciting possibility that it might will work. 

I'm happy to say that I've stripped most of the negative, fear-based thoughts away. If my mind starts to spiral down a path that is making me feel sad or negative, I gently readjust my thinking. I remind myself that with every shot, we are closer to our baby than we've ever been. I focus on the things that I'm grateful for...like my amazing husband and family, our ability to afford IVF, my supportive team at work, the great clinic and doctors we have access to in our region and the encouragement that I receive from all of you. It's amazing how powerful our thoughts can be and how much they dictate how we feel. We certainly can't prevent bad or unfair things from happening in our lives. But we can decide how we want to react to them.


I choose joy and excitement.  
A and I are embracing infertility even though the road has been long and hard. We have chosen to try IVF which is emotionally, physically and financially draining. But it's also a gift. Women experiencing infertility 40 years ago didn't have this option. If they couldn't conceive naturally...that was it. It is hard to believe that the first baby conceived through IVF was in 1977 (the same year I was born). So we're really lucky to live in an age where science makes it possible to get that 30-50% shot at being parents.

Here's to the first shots in the stomach tonight to grow lots of healthy eggs this cycle and to being one step closer to bringing home our baby.
   

32 comments:

Mariel Collins said...

I just love your attitude! What wonderful way to look at it! I will be sending some prayers up for you:)

Laura Rahel said...

I completely relate to that train of thought but I'm so happy for you. Continuing to try and sacrificing so much for the possibility. So much in common, you and I. One day Ill be making the same journey with IVF and I hope I'll have your success story for inspiration <3

Elizabeth Ann @ Elizabeth Ann's Recipe Box said...

Yes! What a great way to think about it! :-) You have this amazing opportunity that women didn't have just a short time ago! Praying that all your dreams come true in just a short couple of weeks!

Alicia said...

Goooooo Jessah!!!! So happy to read that you're on your way here - this is great news! You are absolutely one step closer to bringing your baby home.

I totally agree with you that in today's world, we as infertiles ARE lucky - you're so right that 40 years ago we would not be afforded the same opportunities as we are today and our options would be much more limited.

Keep on smiling (and dreaming!). I love reading your posts - your optimism is so fantastic. :)

Aramis said...

You have a really positive attitude, which is probably more important than anything going into this. I should be following shortly behind you, with my baseline on Monday. Fingers crossed for both of us!

Toni Rapp said...

I love, love, love your positive attitude! Hoping your stims go well and you get some great quality embryos.

ThistleAshD said...

Training yourself to not think negatively can be so hard. I admire your strength through this. Praying this becomes an amazing experience for y'all

Mrs. H said...

Praying for the growth of your beautiful family! What a strong and positive woman you are to go after your dreams this way.

trialsbringjoy said...

I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! Cling to that excitement and positivity. I promise you, it will carry you through this entire journey. You are such a light and you will be blessed! Embrace the beauty of it all ... Praying for you and cheering you on! I just adore your spirit!
XOXO,
Chelsea (from instagram :))

RadiantKristen said...

Sending lots of love and positivity your way! Those shots, the hormones, and the tests DO SUCK, but I am hoping and praying that in the end, you are holding a perfect, beautiful baby in your arms.

myfertilityjourney said...

Good luck Jessah! Hope this cycle bring you your baby.

Stephanie F said...

That's exciting :) Good luck!! I have close friends that tried IVF and they got pregnant on the 3rd try. They now have a beautiful healthy daughter.

All the best in the New Year!

Stephanie (visiting from the blog hop)
http://sharelovealways.blogspot.ca

Dream Chase said...

I love your attitude and how you are looking at this. I'm so glad you have this option available to you and praying for first-time success!

Cristy said...

Wishing you all the best as you begin your cycle! I think attitude is incredibly important in surviving this process and I'm so happy to see your outlook. Fingers crossed for lots of high quality eggs!

Andy said...

This is an amazing post. You are in such a great place right now and you have to know that this will increase your odds. I had the same apprehension as you when I started down the IVF road. It seemed so unfair, so hard, so scary. It does take a strong person to get through it - but you are totally up for the challenge. You will also be supported every step of the way. So excited for you!

Breathe Gently said...

I'm just dropping by to wish you lots of love and light in your IVF journey. Good luck hon! x

JenS said...

Congrats on moving forward with the next step! Hoping you are one step closer to your baby. I admire your outlook on the process. I am working towards that positive attitude but it's slow in coming.

Alice, Pretty Confused said...

Just stopped by from the Totally Awesome Blog Hop and had to say how brave I think you are to post about your fertility problems online. I'm wishing you lots of luck with your IVF and an amazing 2013 for you and your partner xo

Amber said...

I have always believed that being happy is a choice. It's not always easy by any means, but I agree with you that we have to make a conscious effort to choose how we react to things.

Good luck as you start your injections!!

Aspgriswold said...

WHOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!!!!! Shots shots shots! So incredibly happy and excited for you Jessah!!!

Amanda Raye said...

Use ice before injections if they become painful but they really aren't that bad! You will do great!

Sarah said...

Aw, you are one day ahead of me! I got pushed back a day because AF was late. I'm trying to be grateful for this opportunity to do IVF (this is not an option for all who need it) rather than bitter too. It's easy to be bitter about the fact that we have to create a baby this way but on the other hand, what better act of love then the sacrifices dh and I (and you and your dh) are making to produce these babies. :)

Sarah said...

Woo-hoo! :)

Lauren Thomas said...

Best of luck and fingers crossed!!!

Tausha said...

I think it's so great that you are sharing your story with 'the world'. I cannot wait to follow along, and to see how cute you look pregnant! You are going to be such a fun, loving mother! :)

Jennie DeCou said...

Jessica, you are so brave and inspiring. Sending you lots of love, prayers, and good thoughts as you and Aaron start this journey.

Melanie Schultz said...

thinking of you!!! YAY for stimming!!! :)

Elle Falconer said...

Wow, new visiter! Thank you for sharing and good luck with your treatment! Hope you're having a blissful weekend :) Blog hopping!
mydearest-friend.blogspot.com

nogoodeggs said...

Just found your blog and so impressed with you positive attitude! We will be cycling around the same schedule, so I look forward to cheering you on and feeding off your positive energy! Wishing you a very successful 2013! Please feel free to stop by my blog anytime!

LWLH said...

Good luck love, I'll be thinking of you! :)

Elle Falconer said...

Thank you for returning the visit! I really appreciate it :)

Melissa_Before_40 said...

You have the right attitude my friend! I'm such a big believer in positive thinking/attitude and it's a choice...praying for you and A. Big Hug!

Blogging tips