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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

this is starting to feel very real.

It could be the bills that have arrived.


Or the genetic consultation with Natera regarding PGD. 

Or the egg class we attended on Monday with the embryologist at our clinic. She basically went over the protocol for how everything is handled in the lab, what you can expect in terms of timing during an IVF cycle and the safety measures they have in place to minimize human error when handling your eggs, sperm and embryos.

Maybe it's the $3,500 in drugs I ordered from Freedom Pharmacy this morning. Or the injection training we had with our nurse coordinator this week. She ran through my entire drug schedule for this cycle and showed me how to mix and administer each of the injections.

Likely, it is all of the above. 
But this is definitely starting to feel very real.
We are doing this. And it is going to be okay.

I know it will be overwhelming when that box of drugs and needles arrive.
I know I will likely pass out (or close to it) trying to give myself that first shot.
I know my hormones will rage and my body will be punctured, bruised and achy. 
But every injection will get us one step closer to the baby I've dreamed of for so long. 
If I remember that, I will get through this.

I start my Lupron shots the day after Christmas. Stims around the 5th of Jan.
Tentative retrieval date is the 16th. Transfer 7 days later. And we should have our second beta on the 31st. So I will know by the end of January if I am finally pregnant.

After 
48 months,
38 cycles, 
3 failed IUI's
 and almost 4 years of TTC
(all resulting in a BFN),
I'm finally hopeful again.
IVF is going to work.
It just has to.

23 comments:

Infertile625 said...

Gave me goose bumps. I officially am referring to 2013 as the year of new beginnings. Praying you get your new beginning my friend!

Amber said...

I wish you the best of luck! It's good to be hopeful again :)

Mindy said...

You can do this! Praying!!

Erin said...

Sending tons of positive thoughts and hopeful wishes your way!

Melanie Schultz said...

You can do it!!! I will be praying for you :) I know IVF isn't fun but try to make it fun. Take lots of photos to remember it. I bought a memory box and kept all of my medicine containers.

If you can, try and pay for IVF before the end of the year. That way you can claim it on your taxes and get some of it back in 2013 rather than 2014.

Darcy said...

We will be so close in our IVF cycles together. Good luck, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for us both :)

Mrs. H said...

Those numbers are just staggering and would bring anyone into reality. I'm crossing my fingers and wishing you the very very best on your cycle.

Mrs. H said...

Just wanted to add you are strong you will get through this and I'm praying 2013 brings you the beautiful baby you have been waiting for.

Lisa said...

I've never commented before but wanted to chime in to wish you the very best of luck. Our journeys to parenthood are different in that I'm a RPL girl, but IVF was the treatment that finally worked for us (twice!) I am so hopeful for you and will be cheering you on from the sidelines!

Amy said...

I will be praying!!! And looking forward to the long awaited good news :)

Carly said...

That bill??? That would definitely make it seem real to me!

Will be praying for y'all! Please keep us posted!

Carly
www.lipglossandcrayons.com

The Not Quite Military Wife said...

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts! I'm hoping that this will get you your little baby that you have been waiting for!

J and A said...

It has totally got to. I'll be thinking of you! You ARE strong!!

Heather said...

Praying so hard that this will be it for you! The first shot is the worst... it definitely gets easier. Hugs!

myfertilityjourney said...

That's very exciting! And if it's of any consolation, you've got a great price on the cycle! :)

Kara said...

It certainly becomes real when you write the check for that large sum of money, or you get ALL those meds in the mail, doesn't it?!

Excited that things are moving right along for you and your IVF! There is so much to do, plan, learn, sign, etc in the beginning that this stage will fly by? I'm in the 2ww right now...and let me tell you...it is moving soooo slooowwwwllly!!!

If you don't mind me asking, how come you guys decided to do PGD? We decided not to due to my RE's recommendation. He thought since I was so young (in IVF terms - 32) that it wasn't necessary. Just wondering if you are doing it based on your RE's recommendation or a personal one.

I will be praying for you throughout this entire journey. It's the craziest ride you will probably ever go on!

Hugs,
Kara
www.waitingonbaby.wordpress.com

Dream Chase said...

I am praying hard for you! This will work, this will make you a mom! Here's to 2013!

Julia Spencer said...

Sending you positive vibes for this IVF!

Missy said...

I've been following your story for some time now. It took us a year short of a decade to have Jacob. When I tell most people that, they look at me with this sad face but ya know what? Now that it has happened, I have come to realize that it is what it is and I refuse to let my life be defined by that truth.

Instead, I am glad that I lived a lot over those nine years and I can see from your posts that you are doing the very same thing. I am praying for you that this cycle is "the one" and holding by breath until I hear the results.

Big hugs to you!

TracyZLesh @ Then I Got To Thinking said...

I will be thinking and praying for you every day Jess. You're a strong lady and I believe in you and admire you for having the courage and strength to go through all of this. Let us know if you need ANYTHING during the coming weeks/months! Lots of hugs and love to you.

Kate said...

What a wonderful thing you did! (ICLW)

Jennifer said...

Hi! I just found your blog! Going to be catching up with some of your older posts soon. Praying for a happy outcome to this next endeavor!

My hubby and I have been ttc for 3 years but just starting down the treatment route.

Kate said...

Keeping my fingers crossed that it works for you! I'm glad you have hope.

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