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Thursday, December 27, 2012

on fire (literally)


Last night, my body was ON FIRE. Between my fever which finally broke and the Lupron coarsing through my body, it was a hot one. I had no idea what to expect with the Lupron so I did a little digging. I found out this drug puts your ovaries in a state of rest, a temporary "menopausal" state. 
Side effects: irritability, hot flashes, depression. Ah-ha...the heat makes sense now.

But let me back up. 
I'd be remiss if I didn't share the ridiculousness that was...me trying to give myself that first injection. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, pants down, drug prepped with the syringe in hand. All I have to do is stick it in. For over 30 minutes, I keep saying to myself "one, two, three". "Okay seriously Jess, you have to do it this time." This internal dialogue keeps going on and on. Meanwhile, I'm sweating profusely because of the anxiety of the whole thing. I kept trying to picture my baby's face in my mind and saying "you can do this" and "do it for your baby". Pretty soon, I just started laughing hysterically at the fact that I had been sitting there for so long and still couldn't stick myself. 

I must've wore myself down because finally at some point I did it. And you know what? It wasn't too bad. I hardly felt it and the drug didn't sting like I thought it would. Hopefully this means tonight will be much easier.

I can't believe it is finally happening.
The countdown is on.
9 days til stims
20 days til retrieval
25 days til transfer 
35 days til our first BFP

I wasn't sure how much I'd want to share on this blog about my IVF cycle but I'm going to be very candid in sharing this adventure. I want to remember the details of everything we went through to bring this baby into being. 

Emotionally...
I feel good. Not sad or depressed at all.
Physically...
Sick. Tired. Rundown. But these are all due to the flu.
Mentally...
Ready to take on this adventure.
Greatest challenge...
Getting rid of this flu bug.
Biggest success...
Giving myself the first Lupron injection. 
My drugs...
BCP. Lupron. 
In love with...
the idea that this process will bring my long awaited baby into this world.

-------------------------------

Sending prayers to a fellow blogger Chelsea who cycled very recently and just found out that she is having a miscarriage. If you're a blogger, please stop by and show her some support. 
She is heartbroken.


22 comments:

Jennifer said...

Yay for doing the first injection! Doing anything for the first time is always anxiety ridden! It's the fear of the unknown!! You'll be a pro soon enough!

Aramis said...

Yep, that's exactly me when having to give myself an injection. Weirdly, I found it didn't really get any better, which just goes to show it's all psychological since it didn't hurt one bit! Hope you have better luck!

Ashley said...

Praying for you!!

Mrs. H said...

I'm sorry you're having side effects from your Lupron. Hang in there and remember the reason you're in this. I didn't have any side effects with any of my meds, hopefully these hot flashes don't last and you don't have any more side effects.

Myrna Wilson said...

This is such an exciting, yet physically uncomfortable, time!!
Keep visualizing that BFP...it will be there before you know it!

JenS said...

Congrats on giving yourself the injection! I have already been through 2 IVF cycles and my husband has to do all the injections for me. I can't even look. I am such a wimp.

Alana Christine said...

That's exciting news! I can't wait to read about your journey! Thanks for sharing : )

Infertile625 said...

If I can be this excited about anyone I am so glad it's you. XOXO This is your cycle - I know it! Sorry you have has such crazy temperature issues.

Breathe Gently said...

Wishing you all the luck in the world this cycle. I blogged through our two IVF rounds, and it was very therapeutic for me - even the negative days. *hugs*

Stephanie said...

Good for you for working up the courage to stick yourself! I'm not sure I could ever do that!

ThistleAshD said...

I would never make it through a self injection without vomiting I don't think. God bless you!

Amber said...

Congrats on your first injection. I enjoyed your story because it literally could have been me telling it. It did get easier for me, and I absolutely hate needles. I'm a big chicken. Or maybe I should say I USED to be a big chicken!

Hope the flu bug doesn't stick around for too long and you can get to feeling better!

kendra kay said...

oh im so so glad you are sharing this! ive got fingers and toes crossed in support for you! :)

rachel said...

sending nothing but postive vibes, love and hugs your way! you can do this! you ARE doing this! xo

Kara said...

The injections definitely get easier, although my DH did them for me, because I was also a wimp.

Sorry you have the flu (yuck!) and are having side effects from the Lupron. I didn't take Lupron but heard from others that the side effects from that were the worst part of the entire process. Hope that rings true for you as well and the rest of this process is a breeze!

Thinking of and praying for you on your journey! I just know this is going to work for you!

Hugs,
Kara
www.waitingonbabyb.wordpress.com

Alicia said...

Good job on the self-injection! I've got a good feeling about all of this Jessah!!! Thank you for sharing your journey. :)

Janna Renee said...

I'm glad you are doing so well with all of this, but it's part of a miraculous process that you should be enjoying :) Hope you feel better!

Dream Chase said...

You are off to an awesome start! I know it's hard to get started, but just keep thinking of that BFP! It's coming so soon! Feel better.

KT said...

Oh yes, Lupron is quite fun. I had 3 months of menopause last year and will have another month prior to starting my first IVF cycle next month. Congrats on your first injection!

Hope said...

YAY!!!! I'm so proud of you! I knew you could do it!!!! Praying for you, as always my darling!!!

Monica said...

Keeping you in my present thoughts and prayers. Off to visit your friend now too. xx - Monica

Jennifer said...

So proud of you Jess! You know I'm praying for you & sending good thoughts your way! Hopefully the flu subsides & the Lupron takes it easy on your body! & definitely ice it first if that helps!

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