Heck, I wasn't going to do any blogging at all because I have a million other things that I should be doing right now.
But...I've had something on my mind all day and I want to get it out.
I had a bit of an epiphany last night.
It was about fear and positive thinking.
I've noticed that when I tell people we are moving forward with IVF, everyone gets so excited and tells me that they know it is going to work. This is usually followed by an anecdotal success story of someone they know who now has a baby.
Then I do this thing to protect myself where I mention that for every success story, there is a failed IVF story (that isn't told as often). 50/50 odds. Those are the numbers. It might work. It might not. I'm aware that I must come off like a huge pessimist. And I don't mean to. But it's almost like I have to curb their enthusiasm with the facts. I think I do this because I am scared and I'm trying to protect myself for the failure that might come.
Makes sense, right?
Here's the rub. Your mind can be a powerful thing. Think of all the books out there that talk about the power of positive thinking. I have no clue whether IVF is going to work. But I have a better shot at success if I'm telling myself this is going to work than if I'm thinking this might fail.
The first time I tried this positive phrase on for size, it felt like a lie. A big fat lie. I didn't believe it. I still only partially believe it. But maybe the more I practice this affirmation, the more real and true it will feel. So from now on...I'm replacing those old fear-based conversations with new, positive ones.
My IVF will be successful.
I will be in the 50% that achieves success.
I will be a mother next year.
A will be hold his baby in his arms in 2013.
All of the statements above could be dead-wrong.
But I'll deal with that if/when it is becomes a reality and not a moment sooner.