nav

Saturday, November 24, 2012

4 years.

In a few days, it'll be 4 years since A and I tied the knot. And almost 8 years since we started dating. 
It has been a very bumpy ride but it has all been worth it. 
We are stronger than we've ever been...despite infertility.

There was a time, not long ago, when I didn't know if we'd make it.
To those of you that may be in a similar place in your marriage, I say "just keep holding on". 
I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't. But I wouldn't be laying next to the most forgiving, caring, loving husband a girl could ever ask for. And I wouldn't be as happy as I am with my partner.

From the beginning, we've been complete opposites. 
He is all boy and I'm as girly as they come.
I've always been the outgoing, talkative, party girl. 
While A is an outdoorsman who prefers the company of our fur baby more than most people. 

He likes the dirt and bike racing
I'm a party planner and happy hour attender
I wear high heels, dresses and Chanel perfume to work.
A wears turnouts to work and probably doesn't even know who Chanel is.

Even though our differences attracted us to one another in the beginning, once we were married I started to think that our differences were a huge problem.
Of course, one that I could fix. 

If I simply nagged my sweet husband enough, he would eventually change and be exactly what I wanted him to be. Say what I wanted him to say, do what I wanted him to do. 
Be the perfect match for me.

Sounds like a great plan, right?
Not.

Instead, I wasted so much time striving for perfection and being disappointed when things didn't go the way I wanted them to. It was always something. He wanted to stay home when I wanted to go out. He wanted to wear shorts and flip flops but I wanted him to wear khakis and "normal" shoes.

And then there were the other things...he didn't hold me when I wanted him to. He didn't say the right thing at exactly the right time (according to me, of course). Trouble is...he's not a mind reader so he could never win. 

I fell in love with him. Chose to marry him. Yet wanted to change him.
How much sense does that make?  None at all.

Now I appreciate him for exactly who he is - wonderful, beautiful and flawed.
I mean, really. We are all flawed. I know I am. And we all just want the same thing - to be loved and accepted for who we are. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure out that being opposites can be a blessing and acceptance, love and grace are the only paths to happiness in a marriage. 
But I'm thankful that I finally "get it". 

There is a quote that fits this post perfectly.
"Our differences are not intended to separate, to alienate. We are different precisely in order to realize our need of one another."
-Desmond Tutu
Happy anniversary, A. 
I hope the next 4 years bring us the baby we've dreamed of to complete our family.
If not, we will continue on this journey together...just us two.
I love you with all of my heart.


41 comments:

Beth Mayberry said...

congrats!! i love this post and i can relate - my man and I are opposites. sometimes i get discouraged that we are so different but then i remember it is what makes us stronger. we are always on the same team. that is the most important thing to remember!

Dream Chase said...

That is too sweet! Happy 4th Anniversary to you both and here's to many many more WITH an expanding family :-) Enjoy being together this year for the next one might be very different (hoping!)

Infertile625 said...

That was beautiful!

A Passage to Baby said...

Brilliant. Love it.

Sybil@PeaceitallTogether said...

Happy Anniversary! I love what you said about love and grace being the only paths to happiness. I think that is true in every relationship, every part of our lives, not just marriage. Great insight!

Lya said...

Congrats! Great post! Love the quote!
Always remember you are already a family. Right now a family of 2. But still a family. Wishing you many more great years.

Desirae @ Going with the Flow said...

Too cute, happy anniversary! Same situation for my husband and I, too. Opposites DO attract. And usually opposite is better than the same ;]

Olivia O'Bryon said...

Beautifully said. Congrats on four years. :)

Aspgriswold said...

So so sweet. Happy #4!!!! Praying next year when you celebrate there is a new addition to join you!! Happy ICLW too btw!!

myfertilityjourney said...

Happy anniversary!

MaggieTheMrs said...

Happy Anniversary! I'm a new follower and I just have to tell you, that was a beautiful post. It is so honest and true and I love reading blogs like that. I can't wait to read more!

Sarah said...

Love this post! I think we can all relate :) Happy Anniversary! Praying you get that sweet baby soon!

LWLH said...

What a beautiful way to put that...Happy Anniversary!

L said...

What a beautiful post...it is a nice reminder that I too need to stop trying to change my hubby :)

Liz said...

Happy 4 years. I really hope your next 4 bring you that baby.

Visiting from ICLW.

Alicia said...

This is beautiful. Happy anniversary to you both!

Pepi B said...

Happy anniversary from a fellow ICLW-er. That's a lowly quote and so true!

Pepi B said...

Oh blimey- I meant lovely quote! Sorry

Seagull said...

Congrats on 4 years! Marriage definitely makes a couple stronger and i hear you about the differences. My wife and i are also really different -- as long as you guys are the "same" in the places that matter :)

Heather said...

Happy Anniversary!

Emily @ {re}discovering home said...

Hi Jessah,

Just came across your blog and love it! I can totally relate - I've been with my husband for 7 years now (1.5 married) and can't believe how quickly the time went by! We're also opposites, but I think it makes us a stronger couple :) Happy Anniversary!

Emily
re-discoveringhome.blogspot.com

Amber said...

Happy Anniversary! Hubby and I have been married 15 years and we have definitely had our rocky moments as well. Admittedly, I can be a bit of a nag too. But there are so many things that we fell in love with to begin with. We just need to remember that!

Thanks for your post. I'm visiting from ICLW and am looking forward to reading more.

A Passage to Baby said...

Happy Anniversary!!! Congrats on 4 years and wishing you many more!

Janna Renee said...

Four years! That's amazing <3 Happy Anniversary!!

SabrinaStarr0722 said...

This is so beautiful. Happy Anniversary!!! My hubs and I are just like yall. Except, he's the outgoing one and I'm the person that would rather stay home with my furbabies LOL!!

Bear said...

Hello from ICLW. Beautiful post, and so relatable.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

What an awesome post..so honest! Happy anniversary

Rekita Nicole said...

Found your blog via GFC Blog Hop! I am your newest follower! I love your blog design!

Have a great Evening!
-Rekita
www.lovelyarmywife.com

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Bawling my eyes out as I read this. I could blame the Ovidrel shot that hasn't quite left my body post IUI....but I'm convinced this would have made me cry regardless of the raging hormones surging through my body. Such sweetness. And oh how I can relate to the differences between your husband and you. That's Jesse and I. He's not a holder or a cuddler. I'm usually not much of one either....but lately with all this garbage we've been going through, I've needed his touch so much more. But he won't unless I ask him to most times. And I don't want to ask him to. I just want him to instinctively want to hold me. Ahhhh. I could keep writing. But this is your blog, not mine. ;) But again, thank you for this. And happy anniversary.

thoughtprovokingmoments said...

Beautiful post & congratulations on your anniversary...always a great milestone to celebrate. :)

Stopping by via ICLW
Bree

kristykay123 said...

Happy belated anniversary! (Visiting from ICLW)

Laura Rahel said...

New fan. Also dealing with infertility, although the role of faith in each of our journey's seems quite opposite, I'm glad you have found yours.
To read my journey with unexplained female infertility-

http://laurarahel.blogspot.com/2012/09/sorrow.html

Hope you had a lovely thanksgiving :)

Lisamarie said...

Oh this is so sweet. Congratulations on your anniversary. I think its great to be oppositives. My husband and I are also so very much opposite. Although, over the 10 years we've been together, we grew together so much, while still retaining our independance and oppositeness. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Team Harries said...

Happy Anniversary! So sweet that you love each other despite the differences :) Hope y'all had a great time celebrating!

Kristi said...

Absolutely beautiful! Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!

Carissa | Eskimo Kisses said...

aww i love this post. first time stopping by your blog and I love it! Thank you so much for your sweet comment, I would love to trade buttons! :)

J o s e y said...

Wow, are you my soul sister or something? This sounds SO much like the differences between my husband and myself (and we've been married for 4 and dating for 8!), and I still struggle every day to not nag him and try to change him. *sigh* This was the perfect post for me to read today. You are so lucky and blessed to have reached a place of such happiness and love. Congrats on all the hard work. :)

Clarinda @ Enjoying the Course said...

So happy you were able to come to this epiphany. I love the Tutu quotation. Differences should be celebrated. :)

Whitney Brown said...

What a sweet post to your husband! I completely understand what you mean about it bringing you closer, but only after you contemplate divorce... Infertility is a hard thing to go through, glad to hear others are enduring beautifully.

Mariel Collins said...

This is the sweetest thing! Thank you for linking up:)

Shill ShillCat said...

This is a great love history.Congrats!

I love your blog! Nice outfit!
I would love for you to stop by my page too and hopefully you support me by following me! I can't wait for your next post.Thanks
www.be-youtifull.com.

ps: ShillCat Women's Accessories is given away an amazing jewelry. Take a look at this link:
http://www.be-youtifull.com/2013/04/shillcat-is-given-away-amazing-jewelry.html

Blogging tips