Monday, July 30, 2012

giving it up

When A told me he was done racing motocross, I was shocked. After picking my jaw up off the ground, I gave thanks. For so many reasons. First being, his health and safety. Y'all may recall his crash earlier this year which landed him in the ICU and aged me ten years in two days. Maybe this means that I'll never have to see him in the hospital for such severe injuries again. Second, his time. Although I was always a trooper and (for the most part) didn't mind spending time on my own while he was at the track, I'm enjoying his companionship and love having him home more often. It is a blessing that he is moving onto safer, less time consuming hobbies.

So what's next? His competitive drive needs an outlet. He's a passionate person who has to pour his energy into something and constantly strive to improve and progress. Answer: Criterium Racing (or crit racing). Last month, we stopped by a community event called the Folsom Cyclebration. It was a crit race. A was intrigued. He had never heard of this type of bike racing before. After observing all day and the next, he decided to start training for a crit race. Just over a month later, he entered his first competition, the Lodi Cyclefest. Check out how he did!

in the zone

ready. set. go.

1st place in his very first cat 5 race
lucky bib number
A's second biggest fan
the loot
my crit racing champion

In case you missed that, A took first place in his category! I'm so proud of him and glad that he really enjoyed himself. He has been training hard for his next race at the end of August and I know he'll do great. That guy doesn't have any "quit" in him. When he puts his mind to something, he's one of the most focused, driven people that I know. I'm excited for this new chapter in our lives...and of be his biggest fan!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

my buoy

I've never really been a runner. In fact, I kind of hated running until recently. About a month ago, when life felt incredibly difficult to deal with, I laced up my sneakers and started running. I ran and ran until my emotions were drained and I didn't feel quite so bad. My mind cleared. My troubles didn't seem insurmountable. I felt pretty good. In fact, I felt happy despite my circumstances.

The next day, when I started to feel blue again...I went for another run. And then again the next day and the day after that. Then I realized that I had ran for 9 days straight. A habit had formed. Running had become something I looked forward to and even missed when I skipped it. Running was helping me cope with the craziness in the world and manage the stress in my life.

A suggested that I train for a race. Yikes. At first, I said "no way could I ever run that far". But a seed had been planted. After doing some research on half marathons, I decided to register for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon in January which weaves through Disneyland. So was already sold out. Almost 6 months before the race!

Luckily, I found the City to the Sea Half Marathon that I'm registered for and am so excited to run. The race starts in San Luis Obispo and ends in Pismo Beach. It's in October when the weather is usually very nice so we're going to make a weekend trip of it. Also, a few friends decided to join me so I'll have company.

Week One of my training ends tomorrow. It wasn't bad at all. Hopefully it remains this easy over the next 11 weeks. But I doubt that will be the case. Today I ran 5.5 miles and it was a cake walk. But 13.1 just seems unfathomable. Guess that is what the training is for.

Running is my buoy. It has been keeping me afloat lately. How do you cope when life threatens to pull you under?

Saturday, July 21, 2012

reflecting on life

I've been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging and from the world itself in many ways. At this point in my life, I needed some time to think and reflect on where I've been and where my life is going. It is so easy to get consumed by the infertility journey and neglect other things...things that are, in many ways, more important.

A and I have been focusing on reconnecting and enjoying each other's company. We are taking a break from TTC. It's hard to be present in your life and your relationship when you are obsessed with trying to have a baby. We need to get back in the habit of nurturing our relationship and ourselves. Being the people we were before life got so hard.

If we are ever blessed with a child, we will have the healthiest relationship possible because of the work we are doing right now. Adoption is an option. IVF is still an option. We have options. But we have to be strong as a couple in order to undertake either of those huge endeavors and bring another member in to our family.

Besides remembering all of the reasons that I fell in love with my husband, my main goal is to wake up in the morning and be the best person that I can be. Try to live like I  haven't been hurt, haven't made mistakes and focus on this moment. Not the past and not the future. But this moment right here. Because it's all that really matters.
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