Thursday, May 31, 2012

Thankful Thursday + Guest Post

Today, I'm guest posting for the lovely Tiffany at Blabbering Thoughts. Tiff is a busy momma of two and the sweetest person you'll ever meet. She is a fellow Californian so I was fortunate enough to meet her IRL. She blogs about "all things domestic". Check her out!

This week for Thankful Thursday, I would be remiss if I didn't write about my gorgeous, caring husband. Today is his birthday. As I sit with my morning tea and reflect about our life together, I'm filled with gratitude. I'm married to the sweetest man. Sure, we've had our struggles these past few years as infertility takes it's toll on any relationship. But today, our relationship is stronger than ever.

My hubby A is addicted to anything with two wheels. Dirt bikes. Mountain bikes. Road bikes. He's a total "boys" boy which is interesting because I'm as girly as they come. We are polar opposites in many respects - he's quiet and I'm a chatterbox, he prefers solitude and I'm a social butterfly. Yin and Yang. We are different yet the perfect compliment to one another.

When it comes to A, I'm thankful that he...
  • let's me be me. He accepts me for who I truly am. The good, bad and the ugly.
  • is so supportive of my work. Let's face it, advertising is not a 9 to 5 gig. I'm sure he wants to kick me off the computer sometimes or tell me to get off the phone when we are together in the car. But he doesn't.
  • trudges forward with me on this infertility journey, rarely complaining, even though I know how hard it is for him.
  • works so hard as a firefighter to provide for our family.
  • makes me laugh when times are tough.
  • loves me unconditionally despite the fact that I can be a real pain in the rear end.
Thank you honey for all that you do for me. Hope you have the best birthday ever!

Meet my hubby, A
As promised, the Thankful Thursday button is up on the sidebar. If you'd like to make a weekly, concerted effort to focus on the good things in your life, just grab the code and write. What are you thankful for this week?

Monday, May 28, 2012

Turning 35

Three days ago, I turned 35. It's a birthday I expected would be difficult. I thought I'd feel sad because I'm now in my mid thirties and still no baby. But it wasn't hard at all. As I sit in front of a roaring fire in our rented cabin in Mammoth, I'm at peace. Not sure how long this feeling will last but that's how I feel at the moment. And this moment is all that matters.

My birthday was not dreadful at all because I was surrounded by love and friendship. And somehow, that was is enough. The people who love me managed to fill my heart so full that I didn't have room to focus on my unborn child. The child who lives in my heart. The one that I've hoped and prayed we would conceive. The one I wish for every year when I blow out my birthday candles. Maybe my thirty fifth year is the one in which I will meet my child. I hope so. But in the meantime, I'm okay. I never thought I'd find myself in a space to say (and truly believe)...whatever will be, will be.

Obsessing and trying to control hasn't done me any good. Instead, I'm just going to have faith in God's plan for me. To my dismay, that plan didn't include becoming a mother at age 31, 34 or any of the years in between. But I believe that I will become a mother someday. Or I will find the strength somewhere within me to live a happy, fulfilled childless life. These are the only two options.

At 35, I resolve to live the best life possible. This is the only life that I get. That's it. Although I want a baby more than anything...I can't waste another day with tears, sadness and frustratation. It won't get me any closer to what I want which is to live a happy, joyful life...filled with laughter, friendship and love. If I focus too much on my unfulfilled desire to become a mother, I will surely miss out on all of the beauty and adventures that life has to offer.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

play day in god's country

About three years ago, my husband and I moved from Sacramento to the foothills towards Lake Tahoe. The area we are fortunate enough to call home has breathtaking scenery and magnificent views - it's truly God's country. Shortly after we moved to the area, my next door neighbor and I became very good friends. She introduced me to five of her soccer friends and the "game night girls" was formed. We started meeting monthly for board games and dinner. Over the years, our friendships have blossomed and I am so thankful each of them has welcomed me into their lives.

The game night girls planned a special day to celebrate my birthday and upcoming IVF. Sort of a pre-pregnancy play day. Lucky doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when they told me this. Yesterday was the big day. We went wine tasting in El Dorado County and every detail was planned out perfectly. We went to four different wineries - Too Good, Single Leaf, Iverson and Windwalker. All of the wine we tasted was so delicious - especially the Too Good Black Muscat Port which we couldn't resist purchasing a case!

After hitting up three wineries, we stopped for a picnic. Our spread was insane - turkey, salami, rolls, crackers, four types of cheese, strawberries, grapes and desserts. Yum! And of course, a bottle of Iverson Sparkling Wine to wash it all down.

By the time we got to the last winery, our bellies were full so we were a little more mellow. We sat outside enjoying the outdoors and had a great chat. It's the best when you have friends that you can talk to about anything and most of the time you leave with sore abs from laughing so much.

It was such a fun day and I'm so appreciative of everything they did to make it so lovely. Special thanks to K for donating her gas and car, J who was our designated driver (poor thing had to put up with drunk girls all day), K who ordered the most darling, custom-made cookies, L who bought the bubbly at lunch, and K who drove all the way up from the Bay Area to spend the day with us. I'm a lucky girl to live in such a beautiful area and have such wonderful friends.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Thankful Thursday

One of my biggest personal goals is to give thanks more often for the blessings in my life. It's easy to get caught up in what's missing and fall down the rabbit hole of negativity. I feel like I'm in a good, healthy place right now - emotionally and physically. And I want to keep it that way!

I thought it might help me remain positive if I write a weekly blog post on Thursdays about things that I'm thankful for. When you're going through infertility, there are plenty of things to gripe about, feel sad about and cry over. But there is usually a silver lining somewhere when you really look hard.

I love my life and don't want to forget to give thanks for all that I have even when challenges arise. So here it goes. Today, I'm thankful for...
  • The opportunity to meet a sweet, new blogger friend in-person. Great to meet you, Tiffany!
  • Free wi-fi on the Amtrak train so that I can write this blog post
  • A week full of productive meetings at work
  • Dr. M, my RE, who always manages to calm me when I get worried about starting IVF
  • My understanding husband for cutting me some slack. The laundry is backed up and I haven't contributed much around the house but he knows how busy I've been with work.
  • My game night girls, who planned an amazing wine tasting trip for me this weekend. I can't wait!
How about it? Won't you give it a try? If you'd like to join me for Thankful Thursday, I will post the button on my blog sidebar soon. What are you thankful for this week?

Monday, May 14, 2012

cup of tea

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Typically a tough day at our house. My husband feels the strain of living so far from his family. He doesn't say much but I know he misses his mother and grandmothers. When he calls his mom and hears about how his brother's family will celebrate with her, I know that he wishes that he could be there too.

I feel the emptiness of our home. Sometimes I wonder how my children would celebrate me. Would they fix me breakfast in bed? Or would they wake me with kisses and crawl into bed to let me hold them? I wonder if I'll ever have a child to wish me a "Happy Mother's Day". I'd be lying if I said those thoughts didn't cross to mind but I tried really hard to focus on what I have and not what I don't have.

What I have is an amazing grandmother and a wonderful mother. Every day with my grandmother is a blessing as she continues her battle with cancer. And my mother. My mother is an amazing woman. Like my husband, she doesn't always say it but she shows me all the time how much she loves me. She is a very selfless person who is willing to do anything to better the lives of her children. Her creativity never ceases to impress me. She is a crafter, cook, cake decorator, wine charm maker, seamstress and much more.

My mom and her husband have a gorgeous home and they love to host parties. Themed parties are their specialty. So for Mother's Day, my mom hosted a garden tea party for a few special ladies. It didn't seem right for her to do all of the work so I arrived early to help set up and prepare the food. I brought her a mocha from Starbucks and we spent some quality time together in the kitchen. When the guests arrived, the garden was transformed into a lovely tea party.

My mom with my cousin Zay (of course I saw what my mom would be like as a grandmother)
Thank you, mom...for all that you did to make yesterday special. And for all that you have done for me throughout my life and continue to do. I'm lucky to have you as my mother.

Hope everyone had a beautiful Mother's Day!

Monday, May 7, 2012

wine, women and shoes

The only thing better than giving back to the community is giving back AND having a blast while doing it. On Saturday, I attended the Wine, Women & Shoes fundraiser to benefit The Sacramento Children's Home. Combine two of womens' favorite things (wine and shoes), and what do you amazing afternoon. All for a good cause. Let me rephrase that...for a wonderful cause!

The Sacramento Children's Home has been caring for some of the most vulnerable children and families in our community since 1867 - making it the oldest active charity in Sacramento. Their programs focus on ending the generational cycle of child abuse and neglect. Needless to say, they provide many critical services to our community and the turnout (sold out!) reflected that. The total funds raised at this event are still being calculated but the preliminary estimate is $160,000!!! Great job, Sacramentans.

If you missed Wine, Women & Shoes, that's too bad. It truly was a fantastic event. The weather was absolutely perfect for enjoying the serene atmosphere at the Mohamed Quail Run Estate. The food being sampled was delicious and some of the region's best wines were being poured. Thank goodness we are so close to Amador and Napa Valleys. Exciting shopping opportunities included high-end shoes and accessories. And to top it all off...a glamorous fashion show! Take a look...

All images compliments of Derek G Photography

Yeah. So like I was a phenomenal event for a very worthy cause. If you attended this event, had a great time, and feel compelled to give a little bit more. Or if you weren't able to make it, but would like to support The Sacramento Children's Home, please click here.  
Blogging tips