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Monday, April 30, 2012

finding the purpose

The only thing worse than the 2 week wait is the "no week wait". Yesterday I ovulated and my hubby was stuck at work. Darn fire service. They take my husband away for 72 hours when I need him home to make a very important donation to grow our family. They should totally implement a family-building policy in which firefighters that are experiencing infertility are allowed "conjugal" visits while on duty (accompanied by a doctor's note, of course).

So, this month was a big, fat bust. Next baby making opportunity won't be until June due to my ridiculously long cycles. We decided that June was our last month of trying naturally before moving onto IVF. Losing a month wasn't in the plan. Needless to say, I was feeling a little sorry for myself.

While I was fully immersed in my melancholy mood, I began thinking about how much time I've devoted to my blog in the last few months. Is it worth it? Do people even care what I have to say? Other things in my life are being neglected. Reading books. Exercising. Watching my favorite shows. All of these past times have taken a hit since the birth of my blog.

In the midst of my pity party, I had to pull myself together for book club. Since I'm the groups' organizer, there was no bowing out. But I'm glad I went. This group of wonderful ladies took my mind off everything that had been swirling around in my head.

A few of the book club girls
The book selection this month was Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. It was a fantastic, inspirational book! We had a great conversation about life and how your outlook on your circumstances can most certainly affect the outcome. How obstacles are always going to come your way (hopefully none as horrific as the main character endured in the book) and it's all about how you choose to react to those situations.

The timing was perfect for me to engage in that discussion. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Infertility sucks. Like, really sucks. But these are the cards that I've been dealt. Everyone goes through tough things in life. I can curl up in the fetal position and feel sorry for myself. Or I can stand up and fight. Fighting for me means...sharing intimate details of life on my blog in the hopes that my experiences will help others in some small way. It means being an advocate for people struggling with infertility. Helping others understand the real impact of infertility on women, men and families. Raising money to support RESOLVE's efforts. Shining a light on a disease that society has ignored long enough. Maybe this is my purpose. Or maybe I'm struggling with infertility because there is a lesson to be learned.

As if God hadn't made himself crystal clear....I got home last night and checked my email before bed. One email caught my eye. It was from a woman in Arkansas who had read my Infertility Etiquette post and was distraught about telling her infertile friend that she is pregnant. She thought I might be able to help. Stop the bus! She thought of me. This is a woman that I've never met. She lives half way across the country. But she thought that I could help. That blew me away. The realization that these words that I spend so many hours thinking about and crafting are meaningful to people. They can make a difference (at least to one woman in Arkansas).

Then this morning, I received an email from a blogger that I've come to love, Samantha. She wanted to tell me that God laid it on her heart to blog about me today. The NIAW post that I wrote inspired her and she wanted to empower others by sharing it on her blog. Wow! I'm humbled to receive emails like this.

My little blog (that I was cursing yesterday morning) is such a blessing. What on earth was I complaining about? It has allowed me to connect with fellow IF bloggers who have embraced me and continue to offer support in a way that only someone who has walked in your shoes can. And in return, I support them. And it has given me a platform to reach other women like Samantha who knew nothing about infertility before reading my blog and Mrs. Arkansas who actually took her infertile friend's feelings into serious consideration before announcing her pregnancy as a result of my post. That is powerful.

Message received. I hear ya loud and clear up there. I'm going to keep fighting...and blogging!

One last thing..I'd like to offer a sincere thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who read my blog posts and share them with others...and to those of you who support me through this difficult, heart wrenching journey and allow me to support you.

23 comments:

Jennifer said...

Perfect post. And so true... your 'little' blog is touching so many lives. I am blessed to actually KNOW you, but you have taught me so much about the realities of infertility and how I can be a better friend (to not only you, but many others that I know) and acquaintance. I feel like a better person knowing what I know, because of your 'little' blog. You are teaching empathy and compassion for people who are most deserving of it from the world! I know it is time consuming, but if it brings you joy and purpose....keep it up. I'm super proud of you for it!

Ali @ Not All Dreams Are Free said...

Great post! I hear ya about the Hubby's job ruining that crucial fertile time. A similar thing happened to me this month with Hubby's police job playing havoc with his sleep and mood. Boooo! And what you've written about being able to connect with and help others through your blog is wonderful. You now have proof that you're not just doing this as a therapeutic exercise, you are actually helping others. Like me!!

Dandelion Breeze said...

I love your blog... your writing and your attitude :) You are an inspiration and a support to so many :)) Here with you and so sorry to hear that this cycle hasn't been good timing... I think you should suggest the conjugal visit idea. Thinking of you xoxo

sass @ (In)fertility Unexplained said...

This is such a hard journey, and we do our best to draw strength where we can. Maybe this week it's your blog, but it can also can be reading, exercising, watching TV - please do whatever is best for you. We'll stay along for the ride, even if you need to take a break once and a while.

Also, I added Unbroken to my "to read" list. Thanks!

Katie said...

i'm so glad you wrote this post and so glad you have a blog and will still have it! I love how to wrote that you could feel sorry for yourself but will instead choose to stand up and fight. sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself that we have to go through infertility but I try to accept that this is the place where God has put us and we're going to deal with it the best we can. I'm so thankful for the women I've meet through blogging - when I started my blog I had no idea that I could get support and encouragement from people I've never met. It has been a great outlet for me too. Thanks for blogging as I've appreciated things you've written and shared!!

Lauren said...

Aww, that stinks you had to miss a month:( I'm sorry about that!

Heather said...

I agree, your blog has been an inspiration to many people and I think some days it's easier to blog than others that's for sure. But you have to keep writing and sharing your story, it's not nearly over yet!

The Not Quite Military Wife said...

Don't give up!! Your blog really does make a difference to women out there. Even those of us who aren't infertile or trying to get pregnant yet, are inspired by you and this blog!

Laura said...

Yes, stand up and fight! Blogging is such a fantastic outlet and a we're putting a wealth of knowledge out there! One day IF won't be taboo because of people like you! Sorry about your cycle being a bust...I get it. Third shift doesn't help the cause either :(

Mrs. H said...

Great post. I think I'm going to have to check out that book. I especially like the pic at the end.

Samantha said...

YAY! I am so glad you loved my post! Do not give up!!! You are opening people's eyes up!

Becky said...

Love this post and I love your blog! It is so wonderful to be able to connect with people who are going through the same struggles as me. I don't have many friends in real life that can understand what I'm going through, so being able to read a blog like yours is truly helpful, whether you know it or not. ;) Keep it up!

Heather @ A Little Hope in My Pocket said...

Great post. I'm sorry that your husband had to work and this cycle is a bust. :(

Cristy said...

Simply beautiful. Thank you for the reminder that sometimes there is a purpose for all the madness. That, in the end, it's not what we encounter but how we react to it that makes all the difference.

I needed this message today. Thank you for sharing. And hang in there. Hugs and thinking of you.

Sheila @ The FailteHouse said...

I just found your blog and know the feeling of wondering if you should keep writing - but as long as one person enjoys it...that is enough. But most importantly, as long as you enjoy it!! :)

ADSchill said...

Wonderfully uplifting post and right on target. Your new outlook will get you far in this journey. Keep the faith and you will get there.

Melissa_Before_40 said...

Jess, I love your blog. I admire you so much and I know that others do too.

Alicia said...

Hi! Thanks for finding me in blogger land here! Your comments on my own blog made me feel very much appreciated - thanks for reaching out.

This journey is an unbelievably challenging one. It can drive us to the edges of our sanity. I recently read that an IF patient experiences as much stress as does a cancer patient undergoing chemo. This was powerful to me and made me feel less senile.

Your writing is beautiful. Keep blogging! We want you here! :)

Tiffany @ Blabbering Thoughts said...

:( You'll get there girl!! This is kind of amazing you are so open to sharing this. I am excited to see what the future brings. And if I have anything to say about I want to meet that little babe next year.

erin said...

I catch up on your blogs every couple of weeks babe, don't stop writing them. I can relate we need to do lunch ASAP! Love u-erin g

Kendra said...

i LOVED Unbroken! Such an inspiring story!

linlicious-style said...

beautiful photo's!

let's follow eachother?
GFC + bloglovin + fb + twitter ?

www.linlicious-style.nl

Anonymous said...

My husband and I just started to navigate the world of "reproductive technology" and I just found your blog- it's fabulous! I debated starting to write one before I found yours just because there are so many things that they don't tell you sitting in the office. This post and your post about what not to say really hit home! Also, my husband is a police officer and I'm a nurse so the missed cycle thing has happened and it's comforting to know we're not the only ones! I look forward to continuing to read.

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