And if you've just experienced a loss or failed cycle, good luck trying to hold in your emotions. If you do lose it (even for a moment) and tears start to flow, you get to be "the one" everyone thinks is wierd or feels sorry for...and you quite possibly make the mother-to-be feel like absolute crap! It's not good all the way around.
Fortunately, a recent baby shower that I attended for one of my closest infertility friends was not the norm. My friend H has a long history with infertility. She's experienced failed IVFs, a successful IVF (with her first child), a miscarriage, and various surgeries and setbacks in between. Eventually, her uterus completely shut down for business. But she was fortunate enough to have a dear friend offer to carry her child. She is expecting a little girl through the gift of surrogacy this Spring.
H's baby shower was a luncheon at a wine bar. Yes, a wine bar with alcohol flowing! It was tastefully decorated and there wasn't too much baby talk. No baby games! The food was delicious. I'm not sure if this shower was different because H has walked in our shoes or if it was just a coincidence. But all things considered...it was a nice way to spend the day.