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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

baby showers suck

Fertility-challenged chicks hate baby showers! You go because you want to support your friends and family. But it's torture. You sit through painful conversations about babies and endure uncomfortable questions like "how old are your kids?" or "when are you going to start trying to have babies?". You're expected to play the same silly shower games that you've played at the last 899 baby showers you've attended during the x number of years that you've been trying to conceive. It's an in-your-face reminder of what you so desperately want (to be a mom) and haven't been able to acheive. It feels like everyone else in the world can have babies except you!

And if you've just experienced a loss or failed cycle, good luck trying to hold in your emotions. If you do lose it (even for a moment) and tears start to flow, you get to be "the one" everyone thinks is wierd or feels sorry for...and you quite possibly make the mother-to-be feel like absolute crap! It's not good all the way around.

Fortunately, a recent baby shower that I attended for one of my closest infertility friends was not the norm. My friend H has a long history with infertility. She's experienced failed IVFs, a successful IVF (with her first child), a miscarriage, and various surgeries and setbacks in between. Eventually, her uterus completely shut down for business. But she was fortunate enough to have a dear friend offer to carry her child. She is expecting a little girl through the gift of surrogacy this Spring.

H's baby shower was a luncheon at a wine bar. Yes, a wine bar with alcohol flowing! It was tastefully decorated and there wasn't too much baby talk. No baby games! The food was delicious. I'm not sure if this shower was different because H has walked in our shoes or if it was just a coincidence. But all things considered...it was a nice way to spend the day.



baby girl

bruschetta appetizers

candy bar






10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love you, Jess! Glad you were there. xoxo H

Katie said...

I missed a baby shower this weekend because a lot of my friends know I'm going through infertility and have started a treatment (and I know they just care about me) but I just didn't want to have to talk about it. And it was for a friend that is having her second baby and when she was pregnant with her first I wishing I was pregnant. I think it's okay to miss those things sometimes - and hopefully your friend would understand. I'm glad this baby shower was a good one though! it looks like fun and you look super cute!

Mrs. H said...

Now this sounds like a baby shower I would attend. I've actually already turned down 4 baby showers planned for later this year. Do I feel bad? Nope cause I'm in baby preservation mode. Each of the persons know what we are going through so I'm sure they'll understand my need to put me first.
These pics look totally cute though and so glad your friends story is a success.

Lauren said...

Baby showers do suck for the childless infertile. I skipped many! I'm glad this one was not as horrible an experience as it could have been.

Annabelle said...

I completely understand! I went to a shower on Sunday and I found it hard also. I was actually going to write a post about it too. Glad you managed to have a good time.

Good Timing said...

Baby showers do suck!!! In 2009 I had none less than eight baby showers to attend andir nearly killed me! Andir the record, I still don't like baby showers. I hate the stupid games and forcing a whole bunch of people that don't know each other together, etc. I'm going to do a meet and greet the baby, low key. No games! This shower you went to sounds lovely! My kind of shower lol!

newbie said...

If I ever have a baby shower, it will be 1) co-ed, 2) no present opening rituals, and 3) very casual. Those are a best kinds of showers I've been to. Congrats on making it through, I know it can't be easy...

Samantha said...

Your time will come!!!!

Living Our Life in Cycles said...

Baby showers do suck. I think I went to 1 or 2 during the IF time. I just couldn't handle it.

Ess said...

This totally sounds like my kind of shower Jessah! Beautiful pics and love your outfit. :)

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