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Monday, February 6, 2012

Disappointment

To say that I'm disappointed would be an understatement. Another negative. Another month. Another cycle. Same result. This time stung worse than usual. Since I had the laparoscopy, I allowed myself a little more hope. I thought maybe since the endometriosis is cleared out, this would be the month.

A part of me feels like we should just move onto IVF and get it over with. But if we don't try naturally for at least a few months, then I underwent a painful surgery for nothing. Sure, the surgery cleared the endo (temporarily) but if it doesn't help me get pregnant...who cares!

I ovulated so soon after surgery that my body might’ve been too beaten up to conceive. There is still a chance. What’s a few more months considering everything we’ve already been through?

I'm always looking for the silver lining...and for me, it's strength.  Every month when I face such disappointment, it breaks me down.  Then I pull myself back up and trudge forward. Infertility has strengthened my spirituality, my faith, my patience and my ability to see the good in every situation.

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"Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it." - Eliza Tabor quotes

23 comments:

jodie said...

jessica, you're are a strong and courageous woman. i admire you for sharing such personal information. so glad to have met you fellow book diva!

Ashley said...

I am so sorry, friend! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

EndoJoanna said...

Hello there! I feel like we are on the exact same path right now! Although we got our diagnosis a little differently!
I am sooooo sorry for the disappointment you are feeling. I know exactly how you feel. It is so stressful to constantly pick apart every little feeling and try to figure out if you are pregnant. And for me, I have severe endo and sooo much pain that my two week wait (which is now) has been riddled with endo pain and complications and it's just making my guessing worse.
I wish you all the best during this trying naturally phase. We were in that for the first two months after my surgery (in November) but we just recently figured out my ovaries aren't making mature eggs. So we have quickly moved on to infertility treatments and it is so scary!
I look forward to following along and hope to see a BFP for you soon! Take care! xx

waiting and wishing said...

If there is anything I've learned from infertility, it is to pick myself up. I'm sorry you're finding yourself in this place again, but good for you for seeing the silver lining as hard as it is some times.

Hashimoto said...

Jess...I'm so sorry. Just know I'm thinking of you! BIG HUGS XOXO Lisa

Our Journey Through This Lovely Life said...

Hi I'm Alexis- New follower to your blog, I just wanted to tell you I am adding you to my thoughts and prayers! I am looking forward to following your journey and hoping you get you BFP soon!

Trishski said...

Oh Jess, so sorry honey. Love that you see a silver lining, and that you blog so others going through the same thing might not feel so alone. You're a wonderful person. xo

Still hoping said...

So sorry girl. It doesn't matter how many times we get the bad news, it hurts every time. Hoping things start to look up for you soon!

ADSchill said...

I'm very sorry you suffered another negative. It's such a crap feeling.
I am proud of you for dealing with the pain and disappointment and finding your strength again. I wish you luck as you try try try again.

Heather @ Cookies For Breakfast said...

So sorry to hear the news - even though I've only been reading your blog for a short time - I've been thinking about you since your 2WW post, and hoping and praying for the best. I will continue hoping and praying until you have your cute dimpled baby! :)

Jennifer said...

Hugs to you my friend. I am sorry for your disappointment but I love your faith and optimism. Every "negative" feels like a setback, but every month offers new promise. You never know what your future holds until you get there! I have faith that your future holds joy and happiness and more love than you could ever dream. Praying for you...

Elaine A. said...

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're staying positive. And I'm praying that your dreams come true. xo

Mrs. H said...

Thanks for following I'm following you now too. Stay positive. We tried for 5 months after my laproscopy before deciding to move on to IVF. Stay positive.

Three quotes that always seem to pull me together and remind me of how strong I am:
"You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it"
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"
"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future" Proverbs31:25

You are strong my friend. Stay positive, I'll be following along.

Heather @ A Little Hope in My Pocket said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers.

Samantha said...

I am so sorry, I know you want this so bad- Keep praying stay strong with your faith and your husband this is going to make y'all stronger and amazing parents.

Callie Lynch said...

Hi! Just found your blog and it's very touching. Glad you can find hope during this situation because that's what we have to hold on to. I had a lot of struggles to get to my current pregnancy and know that the hardest part is keeping the hope. Don't lose that! New follower :)

Bennett Love

dina vanessa mercado said...

you'll be in my prayers sweetie... God lets things happen for a reason and most of the time rough times are blessing in disguise. with God all things are possible, just believe and have faith... strengthen yourself with God's words and surely he will comfort you like no one else could and he will surely give you your hearts desire... i admire your optimism sweetie... i so love your blog and am going to follow you now... hope you could visit my blog too.. kisses!!!

Syringe Sisters said...

My prayers are with you sweet girl! -C

TracyZLesh @ Then I Got To Thinking said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. :( I was thinking of you all weekend. Just don't give up hope!!

Ocean Dreams said...

So sorry about this lovely. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and sending you hugs. xoxo.

Kristin said...

Praying for you!! My friend had the surgery and then got pregnant, so hope it works!! xo

Margie said...

Hi Jessah, my name is Margie...I just came across your blog through my sister, Cynthia Metler. I absolutely love it! I especially love how you take a sensitive topic that is near and dear to your heart and allow others to learn and grow from your own experience, disappointments and joys along the way. That really is what life is all about...taking the cards we've been dealt and use them in a way to help others and enhance our own lives. I recently started a blog myself, which is along those same lines...would love for you to check it out! amiamess.blogspot.com I am so glad Cynthia shared your blog and I look forward to following!! :) Best wishes to you...

Stephanie said...

I'm new to your blog so I apologize if you have mentioned this, but have you tried acupuncture? I really do believe it's what worked for me. Like something was just slightly off and the acupunture put me back in line. I've heard many good things about it. Might just be something to look into before moving forward with IVF.

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