Several of my mommy friends have told me that I am lucky because I am free. Free to sleep in as late as I'd like. Free to go to the grocery store alone. Free to read a book in silence for hours. Free to travel at the drop of a hat. Free to pee by myself without being interrupted.
Enjoy it while it lasts they say. I do really relish and appreciate these small pleasures. But I would gladly trade all of them (and more) to become a mother. Sometimes I feel like saying "trust me when I tell you, my mommy friends, those of us that aren't childless by choice do not feel free".
Too often, I feel the opposite of free. I feel caged by infertility. Held back from my dreams of having a baby. Trapped by my fears of never conceiving. Confined to a life of status quo. Unable to move forward into the next chapter of my life. Exiled from motherhood.
Maybe those of us with a desire for babies in our hearts are all shackled by something. Some are tied down by the needs and demands of children while others are suffocated by the weight of infertility. Perhaps, we must choose to feel free regardless of our hardships or suffering. Today, I will focus on trying to fly, to feel free and to soar high despite the weight of my circumstances.