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Sunday, February 12, 2012

Choosing Freedom

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Several of my mommy friends have told me that I am lucky because I am free. Free to sleep in as late as I'd like. Free to go to the grocery store alone. Free to read a book in silence for hours.  Free to travel at the drop of a hat. Free to pee by myself without being interrupted.

Enjoy it while it lasts they say. I do really relish and appreciate these small pleasures. But I would gladly trade all of them (and more) to become a mother. Sometimes I feel like saying "trust me when I tell you, my mommy friends, those of us that aren't childless by choice do not feel free".

Too often, I feel the opposite of free. I feel caged by infertility. Held back from my dreams of having a baby. Trapped by my fears of never conceiving. Confined to a life of status quo. Unable to move forward into the next chapter of my life. Exiled from motherhood.

Maybe those of us with a desire for babies in our hearts are all shackled by something. Some are tied down by the needs and demands of children while others are suffocated by the weight of infertility. Perhaps, we must choose to feel free regardless of our hardships or suffering. Today, I will focus on trying to fly, to feel free and to soar high despite the weight of my circumstances.

16 comments:

Shannon Elise said...

Wonderful post Jess! Very well said. Xo

Rebecca said...

So many times I have heard the "you are so lucky" words and they always hurt. I don't feel lucky. Those that say that to me I wonder if they really wanted to be parents at all.

ADSchill said...

Very true and very moving. I do appreciate all the 'free' time I have, but also feel that it is being forced on me. There is no choice in IF.

Thanks for your honest post.

Ashley said...

Beautiful beautiful post! I absolutely did not feel free when we were going through infertility. Are you kidding me? I would actually say! :) It's like you said, you have to choose to feel free because there will always be something in life that will try to weigh you down.

Mama G said...

I think it's incredibly insensitive of someone to say that you're free because you don't have children. My best guess is that it's their way of trying to make you feel better because they envy your life a bit bc it reminds them of their pre-kid existence. But that's not an excuse. Having and raising babies is ridiculously difficult and exhausting, but most of us wouldn't go back and undo our motherhood if we could . . . so it's silly and even hurtful to claim that a woman who wants children should just be happy with her 'freedom.' I'm sorry that others' discomfort with your situation leads them to say dumb things. . . but they are probably entrenched in their own struggle of a different kind.

Mrs. H said...

Heart felt post.

Still hoping said...

Wow girl, that's tough, but you shared your thoughts so beautifully.

No, we certainly do not feel free. Do I enjoy a lazy Saturday morning sleeping in and laying around all day? Of course. But would I trade that in a heartbeat for waking up in the middle of the night to take care of my child? You bet!

I find that people who say things like that typically had kids early in their marriage or at least had them easily and never took time for themselves in the first place. They may really find themselves jealous of you and therefore make insensitive comments like that. Either way, it sucks and it hurst. And I'm sorry. xoxo

Kristin said...

praying for your time!

newbie said...

I really related to this post. I love sleeping in and having freedom too, but right now I would be so happy to give that all up to have a child. I hope all of us in the situation get our wish. Thanks for the well wishes, I look forward to cheering you on as well!

Sunflower said...

Hi Jess, thanks for stopping by my blog. Great post - very well said!

dina vanessa mercado said...

very inspiring!!! lovely pics!

visit my blog too...

http://voguelyvan.blogspot.com/

kissses!!!

LisainSK said...

Hi Jessah, thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope that your IF journey will end VERY soon. IF is soo sooo hard and yes, its very hard to hear comments like "enjoy it while it lasts" because the truth is you can't enjoy it while it lasts because you don't know how long it will last and if IT will ever happen?!! Wishing you all the luck. All I can say is line yourself up with excellent REs to get yourself out of this exhistence as fast as you can...we are former patients of CCRM. Highly recommend CCRM.

TracyZLesh @ Then I Got To Thinking said...

I don't really like when people tell me that - and we are in different situations. I feel like there are so many things in life to appreciate regardless of the situation. Always thinking and prayin' for you girl!

Jodie said...

we all know the saying "... until you've walked a mile in their shoes..." i'm sorry people chose to be so insensitive by saying you're so lucky to be free of having kids. you write beautifully and i hope it helps you :)

Elaine A. said...

It really hit home to me, what you're saying when you I read "Exiled by motherhood."

I do not know what you are going through but I do think choosing freedom is the best stance under any circumstance.

Beautiful post. :)

Amanda said...

This is beautiful & perfectly written. It makes sense to me. I was sent your way by my blog best friend, Leanne from "Simply Beautiful" .. My husband and I rue walking tis journey of infertility. So looking forward to reading your journey! XO

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